Nomad JuanCa's Report

There are few days like today... when i lose the hope.

When i feel the dark coulds of the storm cover my beloved shinning full moon... and i feel lost one more time, and alone.

The worst is to feel alone and when you feel things are not going right as you expected.

Today i argued with my mother, that's actually normal for me... we have always done the same (too many different opinions, just that)... but it hit her deep. She went outside our balcony to stay alone... i knew i might have hurt her, or perhaps she felt guilty, thinking that as i am sick, arguing with me could get me worst. Eventhough it does not work that way... it actually made me feel alive, cause i know she loves me but we just have too many different ideas about live. Even psychologist noticed so.

I went there and tried to talk to her and explained her thar arguing is ok, it keeps me alive in a "normal" world, as it used to be..... but she is not easy in deliver forgiveness... that's something i never liked from her. So she start saying things like she didn't come to visit me because i am sick but because this is her house. Also... i asked her to take off some stuff that is right in the middle of my house.. i tried to clean some space where i could at least feel my world was getting clean and in order and now... it is a mess again and crowded with packages and other stuff... and i asked her to move it, i want free space... that bunch of useless things bother me, i don't feel ok living in such a mess (eventhough my house has always being like it). And she said she won't. We said many other things...and then i prefered to leave.... and i feel sad now and lonely. Cause nobody understand me. I feel so fucking lost and alone in this mother fucked new world. And i wanted to sing this to you all who has gave a hand or a word in this during these days....

Title: Tomorrow
Artist: Avril Lavigne

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change [4x]

Sorry guys, i try to believe you when you say that it all will be ok. I try to believe you, but sometimes i don't. And sometimes i fear the death. And right now it is so important that everything goes ok... but it does not happen.... not today. So i prefer to think that tomorrow it may change....tomorrow is a different day. I am still ok.

Labels: New life