Nomad JuanCa's Report

23/Jul/07

Artist: Dione Warwick /Song: I say a little prayer for you /Country: USA

Today i am feeling strange. It was a good weekend i met with Cynthia and Noralma and some others alumni, finally went dancing the way God orders... until 4am :). As i had free weekend i slept both days until 1pm ahh.... how good is to rest when one is feeling tired. It helped me to let go the sadness because of the assault i suffered.

Even though today was not such a good day. I had to spend the whole afternoon trying to fix some stuff for a client downtown and it was not possible, i have to go there again tomorrow morning. I want to sleep right now again. My sinusitis is almost over, it lasted a week... not so bad, huh?. Although the issue with my lip still does not disappear... but i am taking my pills and using a cream .. so it is looking better (except for the white spot on my lip these days... but no problem, i can live with it).

My uncle travelled today to the States, i am not much in contact with him so ... it actually does not mean much to me. My sisters keeps on complaining about me and my blog... she asks me all the time "why do i have to meet my brother through the internet?". I have answered many times that i write in here because i want to... i mean it is not suppoused to be done for others, it is a diary... for instance i let my friends to come in here and read my diary (although i know many others who don't know me also come in here) but well... i am not promoting it or stuff like that... i wanted and still want to spread a message... and let others see through my eyes.. but i am not exibitionist (have no spell check so excuse me if misstyped). I mean i have told her that if she wants to know more about me.. we should meet and talk, we both have difficult schedules.. but if she tells me we can make it happen. Although there is one thing i don't like from her... she always has to judge things i do... things cannot be just different for her.. they have to be good or bad according to her point of view. It annoys me sometimes. She even posted a comment on my spanish blog..... calling me rude, and saying i ignore my family and don't love them.... she did it same day i was robbed.... it was not nice from her, i mean do i have to stand all that too?.

Can't i decide where to write, what to write and when to do it? do my whole life has to pass their approval first?. Why don't they let me BE MYSELF?. I am tired of needing to justify myself for whatever i do or say... give me a break.

Although it is not that what has me feeling strange today.... i don't know it is ... something i can't name... perhaps it is the strange feeling you have when you are about to feel down.. but don't want to feel that way... i feel like null. I am not sad not happy. Not annoyed not comfortable. Not up not down...just in the middle. Not worried but not calmed. I'm stable.... i guess.

In days like today there is a poem that always come to my mind (off course this one was not written by me). I read it was done by an Ecuadorian.. the tittle is vesperal if i am not wrong (there is not much info about Ecuadorian poetry on internet.....).

VESPERAL

Hay tardes en las que uno desearía
embarcarse y partir sin rumbo cierto,
y, silenciosamente, de algún puerto,
irse alejando mientras muere el día;


Emprender una larga travesía
y perderse después en un desierto
y misterioso mar, no descubierto
por ningún navegante todavía.


Aunque uno sepa que hasta los remotos
confines de los piélagos ignotos
le seguirá el cortejo de sus penas,
Y que, al desvanecerse el espejismo,
desde las glaucas ondas del abismo,
le tentarán las últimas sirenas.

VESPERAL (Translation)

There are afternoons when one would wish
to board and depart without a clear path,
and, silently, from some port,
going far away while the day dies;

To embark on a long journey
and later getting lost in a dessert
and misterious sea, non discovered
by any sailor until today.

Even though one knows that until the furthest
points of the unknown seas
will follow us the entourage of our sadness,
And that, when the mirage vanishes,
from the deepests sides of the abism,
we'll be tempted by the last mermaids.

Mr. Ernesto Noboa y Caamaño, thank you for a nice poem to make me dream about being far away today... and discover the things not yet defined in my life. It was a hard thing to translate but i hope you somehow got the idea...

This is a poem that makes me feel like travelling... like taking the chanllenge of facing the unknown once again.

Glad i posted it, i feel better now.