Nomad JuanCa's Report

Hi, i have been trying to write this since 45min ago from this shitty laptop.... on sunday i installed an EVDO internet software but it seems i did more bad than any good to this small shit. Well... shortly...

Today i went to the Hospital to meet my dermatologist, basically to do a follow up on the dandruff treatment and i am taking and because i mentioned him 3 years ago i had some small eruptions in my leg... i had only one at beginning now they are three. Not really noticeable but since HIV gives the chance to develop cancer in different parts of the body i though it could be Karposi's Sarcoma or cancer in my skin.

Dr. checked me again and he said it was not cancer at all.... well... i guess once being positive one start thinking negative.... if that makes any sense. He said i had something with an strange name i don't remember but it was nothing important, he prescribed some cream which should be able to solve it. He also asked me about my status and my CD4 (494) and all that... he is a man with good knowledge, he is not even afraid of touching me, that's good. He was with another Dr. and they started to comment about some patient they saw last Friday who had a CD4 count of 12... yes only 12... they said this man was a believer and was praying constantly to get better... i though... "that's cool i am also a believer" then the other Dr. said "it is impossible this man to increase his CD4, quite difficult...." by that time i was about to ask them why my face gets red sometimes.... but as soon as i heard this Dr. saying such stuff.... i preferred to remain quiet... i felt afraid and ashamed.... it was not about me... but it was about me. I mean... it was not about me personally... but it was about a seropositive person...so at the end it was about me too.... people and specially Drs tend to forget we have feelings... and when they say "that seropositive is gonna die" they are saying the same to all of us..... a person is not condemned to die just because he/she is positive.... there are lot of people who live over 20 years after their diagnosis...

I though in speaking and saying... "excuse Dr. but you are wrong... this man can increase his CD4 if he eat well and follow treatment"....but i was too tired to speak up again.... i was even anxious and afraid before meeting them... Drs usually do not simulate their dislikes to seropositive people.... they who are supposed to be educated about this. I was tired to fight today so i decided to shut up and leave, i saved my questions for myself.... and went to pick up my prescriptions, they gave me 3 prescriptions and i had 2 from June from my ID Dr ..you know vitamins and stuff like that... i went there to pick up these 5 prescriptions and they gave me only ONE.

As usual they don't have all the others.... in fact, the guy serving me should have printed the other 4 prescriptions and handed them to me... but he printed only 3... and broke the paper Dr gave me.... careless..... i know how many prescriptions there were cause i counted them before going to ask for them... i knew he did it wrong, i took my meds, and the three prescriptions... and left... didn't complain.... what for? anyways i knew the bastard forgot to print the loratadine prescription... and well.. they don't have it anyways.... so i left.

I am not up to complaining nor fighting today.... perhaps i am getting into their system ..... the system when things are not right but people say nothing.... today i felt tired of complaining and fighting and seeing that none cares...... sad but true.

i will try next time something happens i will say something... even when we feel tired... we have to fight for things to be done correctly.... otherwise this world will never change. Today i took vacations of it.. hope someone else did it right for me...so i would know i am not alone claiming for my rights and for my life.

Labels: New life, same illness