Nomad JuanCa's Report
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Resignation
Today there was a post in Poz forums from a girl who's mother is perhaps in her final moments due to lung cancer.... i won't share her post for respect.
I wrote her back saying that if i were in her case... i would send to the hell Dr. diagnosis and keeping my faith everything would get better, i would try to fight.... before writing i tried to put myself in her shoes and imagine how i would react if i was her. Truth is that i would not accept resignation, i could accept that for myself.. but not for my mother's death.... i know we fight and we argue constantly and our calmed times are actually very few compared to our discussion times... but i love her.
I dislike some things from her and she dislikes some things from me, but none of those things ever interfere to the big admiration and deepest love i have for her. She has been my strength my whole life, even when we have not been together... deep inside i knew she would always be there for me... even when she left me alone to face some hard times before... i knew she was from distance checking me out and making sure i was able to defend myself. She is a warrior and she would fight for my life... as she knows i would do the same for her... i would fight until the end. She has been the centre of my Universe my whole life, like the sun for the solar system... everything can change and move... but she will always stay there for me. I knew it.
If her last moments would arrive i would fight like the most furious animal to try to protect her and not to let her go.... i would really keep the faith until the end and i do my best for her not to suffer. I said something similar to this girl.... i know Drs said it was the last times for her mother but i would just not accept it, i couldn't... and someone else wrote me this...
I'm but I have been a smidgen displeased with your commentary tonight. You told "xxx" that she should wish away her fears of her mothers' demise, and convince her mother to do the same, until the very last moment.I thought that this was a very bad idea for both of these women.
Resignation is something i don't understand yet.... I could use it but i don't understand it... perhaps in the past i have used it for situations that were not as crucial as my mother's death situation... i could use it for myself, if my last time arrives soon... but don't think i can go for resignation if my mother is about to die... i couldn't.
Perhaps i still have things to learn in life, but at this time i cannot accept resignation for something like this and i don't understand people doing so.... I just cannot accept to live the rest of my life without the person who has been the base of my knowledge, my way of acting, my way of thinking, the person who taught me what is right and wrong, the only person who could calmed me with her words and the only person whom i would entirely trust my life with my eyes closed and without thinking... i cannot lose someone like that, i could not lose her.... i am not ready and i could not accept it.
I don't understand resignation, I don't like it and I won't accept it in my life today. It is good to have a blog... i was in need of saying this.... I DON'T LIKE RESIGNATION.
posted by JuanCa at 8:20 AM
3 Comments:
Hello Juan, Dody pointed me out to your blog. I admire your openess regarding the disease you have and wish all the best to you.
I have read your post about your friend whose mother is fighting with cancer. It will sound fake and stupid but I recommend you to contact carriedujela[at]shaw.ca as it is her from whom I have heard there might be a treatment for cancer. I have not pursued the information yet myself but I am very open to it as my mother was sick with this horrible disease as well... if it happened again, I would not wait. Carrie does not know enough herself about cancer treatment but she might give you a contact for someone else who got cured. I have talked to Carrie few times myself and I trust her. If you wish to know more, pls, feel free to get in touch with me, my skype is Martina017.
Hi Marta, thanks for your words and your interest about the treatment for this person. The problem is that as for what this person wrote it is not recent cancer but a reoccourrence... her mom had already had her right lung removed 8 years ago, she had already done chemo but it is not working anymore.... i mean i guess they have about 8 to 10 years fighting cancer.. and might have tried everything available in USA (which should be similar to anything available in Canada i think) The mother of this girl developed anemia due to the chemo so they had stopped it knowing there is not much ways to save her life.
It is actually hard situation... but knowing all this, i guess you will understand why i would not tell this girl at this time about another possible treatment... perhaps they have tried it all, perhaps this would hurt them in the situation they are right now, i don't know... even my optimistic post hurt them... so i really don't know what to do. We (you and me) are young people, but we are talking about lives of people over 35... they are mature and somehow see the life in a different way.... i though others would give her more optimistic advise... but no, everybody is just wishing this girl peace while facing her mother's final moments. I am still confused about this.
You can check the thread i am talking about thy clicking here http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=13849.0 feel free to post in there or to comment to it, that part of the forums is openned to everybody.
Hope after you read it, you get to understand why i don't pass the contact you just sent me to this girl :(. Cheers.
This treatment is not available in US nor Canada, it is available in Mexico.
Here is a bit from an email with Carrie: "Regarding the cancer treatment. We have had reports from dozens of people who went to a clinic in Mexico that is using several different treatments that work "miracles" in the treatment of cancer. I don't know what kind of cancer your mother had, but if you would like, I can try to find out what the treatments consisted of, and let you know. We know of a man that lives here, in our town, that had stage 4 lymph cancer that went down there four years ago, because the doctors told him that there was "nothing more that could be done", and he went into complete remission, and has not had a problem since, and he reports that there were many others that he met that had the same results. A few doctors here in Canada apparently were giving the same treatment with great success, but were shut down by the Food and Drug Administration (backed up by pharmaceutical companies), and had to move to Mexico as well to keep giving it. It is not expensive, and our friend only went down once,. and came back in remission."
That is all I know of it... I guess I know why the family has "resigned", sometimes you simply get too tired and dont have more will to fight...
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