Nomad JuanCa's Report

Artist: Avril Lavigne /Song: Keep holding on /Country: Canada

Well, this time the testimony went actually fine, this health care facility is placed in Perimetral way, which is a way going out of the city, the place itself is not considered exactly safe, but a car picked me up to take me there along with Claudia and Ericka (the pretty but silly psycho). Together with us there was people from Care Ecuador: Jorge and Ma. Isabel. Care is one of the organisations running this project that will provide Hiv testing and counselling to pregnant mothers and communities in different parts of the country.

This specific team working in this facility was much more knowledgeable about Hiv and Aids, something that surprised me. Still with it i have noticed that for most of the people around the world is hard to accept the truth that HIV is not a virus easily transmissible, in fact it is quite fragile, you have to have specific risky behaviour to get infected... and as sex is part of human nature... that's the way most of the people gets infected. Another thing it is hard to accept for people is that patients living with Hiv /Aids can really be a normal person, i mean we can run, sing, laugh, cry, work, rest, fight, dance, anything just like everyone else. I would say that from all my friends the only person who treats me like a normal human being is Diana Patricia, i don't think our friendship has changed since she knew about my diagnosis, in fact she has done and effort to remain close to me... something none else has done it and i appreciate because she has been a big help for taking me out of the prison i created for myself.

Still with all the good knowledge these people had, still they cried while doing the sessions, specially when there was one simulation that some of them would be diagnosed of HIV+... all those diagnosed felt depressed... a woman cried... it was not real but still it was a big shock for them and for me... I mean they were crying because of being diagnosed the way i was.... showing clearly they would not like to be on my shoes... off course none would like to, but well.. it is sad when people react like that to what i am right now.... and i can't change it.

When i disclosed my status, everybody was surprised, even people from Care Ecuador.... none ever imagine a person living with Hiv can look so fine. This time was a bit better, people were much more opened to what happen to me... it was cool. By the way, something i have realised is that since last week i have started to take the complex b and vitamin c (acid ascorbic) my body is changing a bit... my mood is high, i am much happier than before, not so tired, my hair is shinning (my mother pointed it to me... i didn't notice it) and she even said i was looking healthier than ever :). Another change is that i am so hungry these days... i could eat a cow by myself.... the problem is that i have lack of money so i eat just the necessary... thats bad... sometimes i would desire to eat and eat and eat but well... by other hand i am somehow keeping my weight controlled.

At the end of my testimony several people came to congratulated me and thank me for sharing my story... they even asked me my phone number... some others told me they had sons or relatives they wanted me to meet.... i mean that's fine i am very friendly guy... i just don't want to feel like a "hiv prevention human advertisement" that's not nice. I am just a normal human being, i think people fail to notice it... they keep on thinking "oh he is such a brave guy, he might die soon but he is still speaking about it so freely"... which is silly. I think people have no clear that HIV/AIDS DOES NOT DEFINE MY LIFE NOR WHO I AM. It also does not define anyone else. Hiv is just a small part of my life, it is something that happened to me like the flu i had three years ago or like the accident i had in Moscow two weeks before leaving... it is something that happened, but didn't shape the way i am.. or at least not much. I know i have changed... but slowly i am back to be myself, now i am smiling and laughing more... not much frustration moments, nor so much anger... nor crying nowadays :)))))) i am actually pretty fine... except for the crappy health care i am receiving.

At the end of the training i had the chance to talk to the people working for CARE and asking them some stuff about the plan to fight Aids in here and well... like i said before.. it is a mess... like a knot very well done .... so it is a hard to solve thing. I will try to see if i can get more involved in something ... so i can perhaps do something to solve this knot... even though sometimes i get just tired of reading all the fights of these people and the way they serve their own interests more than country goals.

My mother found out a place where they offered to do "spiritual healing session" that might cure me from Hiv or make the virus go back ....bullshit.

I hate these people playing games with the hope of patients and relatives.. specially if those relatives are my mother and sister.... but i somehow understand them... i guess our families would like to try any single thing that anyone offers saying it will cure hiv/aids... just because they want to send the illness away from me... it is hard, because does not matter what happen... Hiv won't go.... not right now... and does not matter how many crazy things people say i could do to get cured (since having a dialysis with ozone for ALL my blood, to jump in a elastic bed, having spiritual healing sessions, aromatherapy, electrical shocks, and so on).. the truth is that nothing of that can cure myself. If there would be a cure for this... everybody would knew it. All over the world, and that person who is able to cure us would be rich, cause no price is high for someone's life. Pitifully... we are not having cures.... but dream sellers.... that then disappear while leaving all of our families and relatives with a feeling of lost after they realise their effort was not effective that they were robbed.

Police and government should do something about it.

Tomorrow have most of the day free and i get into work around 4 pm, i will spend morning at my sister place. Well, that's the update... everything is fine with me, my stomach is ok... i am just fucking hungry these days. I am taking my vitamins everyday and i really see myself with a better face :) i like that, i was tired of feeling tired. Now i only have to work to establish a specific time schedule for the pills...because i am taking them all at different times everyday (better say... i take them at the moment i remember)... but i have to start training for the time schedule i will have to follow once starting ARVs.

Labels: New life, same illness