Nomad JuanCa's Report

Oh yeah, great news, last monday Pfizer got the approval for their (new and first in its class) CCR5 Inhibitor!!!!. For sure you will say..."first what???". And i will answer you... i don't know... i just know it is something good. So this is what i know, they developed a new medicine to fight Hiv, in this case Maraviroc (also known as Selzentri or Celsentri). This is a new med that:

Selzentry, or maraviroc, is designed to block viral entry into white blood cells. It reduces viral load and increases T-cell counts in patients who have already been undergoing HIV treatment and are infected with a specific type of HIV, Pfizer says. From CNN

It sounds pretty good huh? although there are few other things to know about this new med. I read this med is going to be prescribed to patients already experienced in treatment, specially those that might have developed ARV resistance so they have a new option to fight the virus and stay alive. I read it will only work if your virus is CCR5-tropic (which i don't know what means...hold on.. let me check). Ok I think it is better explained in this page in English and in this one in Spanish. So if you got to read the pages you will realise there are good and and not so good things... well thats the story of all Hiv meds. They usually have side effects. I actually know few of all Hiv meds available, i decided i wouldn't read about them until my time to start treatments would be close. I guess i am nervous enough handling the few things i know...

Still with it this news make me happy, when diagnosed i always wondered how long would it take to new meds to be discovered after my diagnosis... it took about 5 months, hey not so bad :). I don't know how often the new meds appear... but i hope they do come often like once every two years or so.. i mean to give them time to discover new things. What about the cure you would say?. And i would answer you... the cure can wait... i mean if they are taking so long to discover new meds... it shows up to fight Hiv is not an easy thing to do... we all know it.. but it happens... so i feel myself served if they bring something new to help me out, i know the cure could come tomorrow but true is that chances are the cure might still take long to be discovered. I don't want to wait for a cure... nor to focus on it... i prefer to keep on living. So i am happy today... full of hope!! I don't know how many years will this med add to the current living expectancy of Hiv+ patients, but i know one thing... i will take advantage of those years. It is also clear for me that Maraviroc might arrive to my country in.... 5 years? or more.... but it is ok, i will be patient... and if i lose my patience... i will make a big scandal and kick their asses to bring it sooner!! (sometimes scandals are useful... specially when it is about saving lives).

If talking about living... well... first, i haven't yet changed my schedule, they said they will but they haven't met with us. So i am not earning more yet... lets see what happens... one never knows in here. Today i had troubles with a client who is one of those buying things and breaking them next day. I sent her to technical department but she somehow got to talk to the logistic person in headquarters and they started to push me... what for if they are the only ones to approve the solutions for this client??. Today the bloody client stayed whole day at headquarters and they were trying to convince her to wait until things "followed the normal procedure" which was impossible (now they know how it feels and the things i have to face in here). Well... they were requesting some things from me and it was not easy since i am not close to headquarters (plus it is a waste of time i had to do such things when the client should have done it herself)... the result... they want to kick my ass on monday. My supervisor is super angry, logistic girl (with whom i had already discussed before and barely talk to right now) is also quite angry... but i have the luck that my boss knew everything that happened and he is on my side. Hey... i am a good guy, i like to help others... but sometimes clients think that if you give them the hand.. you should give them the whole arm... not my thing. Yeah... i have enough troubles to solve in daily real life.

I met Claudia on tuesday, .... it was strange thing... i arrived there, she was in a session with someone... i could hear someone crying. After a hour, or so... she came out visibly sad... She was talking to Javico. I got nervous, i mean... i felt out of place, i was calling to my office and even though in leaving and not having my session that day. The impact was due to several things. First because i mean.... it was a shock, you see one of your good friends talking to his psychologist and she ends up crying (not really sure if it was her or him)? you inmediatly wonder... what happens?... i mean i don't need to know... but it left me worried.... I also felt out of place because i had decided i to be away from Javico... he did some things that hurt me... and i decided i would just be away. Sometimes people hurt us without intention... but sometimes... you know they will repeat it. I decided to be away until my heart got stronger not to be hurt by some of his attitudes and words. In the middle of this decission there was an ethical problem... when i got diagnosed and he disclosed his status to me... i promised him i would be near... i would be next to him until the end. He promised the same to me, the sort of promises you make to good friends only.

I always fullfil my promises... all the time... specially those who are about life or death. It was hard to try to be away, since he has been a good support for me during these times. At the beginning of my diagnosis, when i called him home and none answered my first though was "perhaps he is on emergency room right now....oh God!!". I am not used to lose people... and i don't like it. I can decide to be away from someone.... it is fine, but i don't like to see anyone dying. I tried to avoid him and i decided to be in touch with him only by internet... so to meet him at Claudia's office was a surprise.... that hit me since i saw him thinner. It was a slap in my face... shit what's wrong with him? what happened? i should have been there... damn... i felt guilty... i felt terrible having failed to what i promised to someone who once was a good friend. I told him i would be with him until de end... and even if we are no longer good friends i always try to fullfil my promises. I didn't mention anything about his appearance... i know when we are poz, we fear about looking ill... at least i do. So i smiled and said hi.

This situation i don't know how to handle it at this time, i know i want to be away from him by now. Although i know he might need me as a friend at this time. I sent him a sms yesterday saying "hey so cool to see you yesterday!! Glad things are going well with you and you are looking happy and healthy". I know he was not looking like that... but i have always though our beliefs affects our reactions and the way we see each other and how to deal with certain situations... if i tell any of you.. "hey what's wrong with you? are you sick?" it will affect you in case you are feeling really bad... so i prefer to tell you "hey you are looking good today!!!" So in case you are feeling bad... you might react and say... "hey... i am looking good, i should not worry... i can handle this specific situation happening to me". To phrase things in optimistic way has been something i have tried to work on sicne my diagnosis. Javico called me today... we talked over the phone for aboout an hour. He has had troubles since the last time we talked... he said it was something about his allergies and he could not breathe properly... he took lot of meds... and then was sort of getting over it but then felt ill again... right now he is trying to get over this situation. I didn't ask questions... it is clear for me he is not as open about his life like i am with mine. It is ok, we are all different people... plus... i was thinking yesterday that one of the things that affects the success of a person dealing with Hiv/Aids is the need to develop strenght enough to move on with their lives. I have faced lot... but i have overcome it, using my own skills and strenght... if it would have not been this way... i would not be even ready to face the virus... and i might not succeed... we found out everyday lot of reasons to feel down... but those of us who are strong... over come that feeling. I decided i would in reasonable distance from Javico... not to close to hurt myself... not too far to be away when he needs me. Just away enough to let him grow and fight his own fight.... and to develop the strenght he needs to make things happen for better in his life. After all only ensuring this for each one of us... is how we will keep on living.