Nomad JuanCa's Report

I am glad things are going back to normal these days. The "forced" popularity of this blog is finishing as the numbers of visits are reducing... I guess Dody might have been crazy seeing the numbers of hits this blog got in matter of three days. It grown from 15 visits per day till over 100 per day... and now is back to 36 per day. I never desired such a promotion but i have always believed things happen for a reason... so i have to thank God for all that happened cause i think it was meant to teach me some things and I did learn them. Plus,.... well i hope at least someone applied to support Ilga's report about Laws against Hiv travellers, which is a good thing to do.

As for me i am doing OK, friends advised me not to take it to the heart and forget it and i'll do so. Glad I wasn't banned after being in there for only 4 months...i know those of you who know me, know i am not THAT polemic. Luckily i think moderators though the same. By the way... AIESECers, let me tell you this... the world needs more of what you do... believe me. I swear it!!!. My friends who were aware of all what happened advised me to visit other places where i could keep on learning about the disease in a fresh/new environment. Sandra suggested me a Spanish forum, ...mmm, sounds good...why not? i mean it would be easier for me to interact there since i understand the way people think in Latin America, the rules, and language would be a plus... I know i do speak excellent English (leaving the few orthographic and grammar mistakes i have and knowing i use spell checker before posting in here) but i understand sometimes excellent is not same as native. If you don't get what i mean... then try to speak Spanish and interact in a Spanish speaking forum... i guess those who speak more than one language and/or have lived/worked in multicultural environments might understand me better.

So after thinking about it i decided to participate in both places. It is going to be good i think i will learn a lot from both sides and will help me to have a broaden picture on how people deal with this. I mean.. from USA i can get info about the treatments, developments and so on.. being that i consider them pioneers in the war against Hiv/Aids.. but from Latin Americans... i will touch my reality... the lack of resources, corruption among poz leadership, negligence and the most important.. the way latin poz manage to survive in here. Yeah, sometimes i wish i could live in Europe, but i am in Ecuador and despite how many nice things i can learn on american websites the truth is that less than half of those options are available in here.... and lets be sincere... i fear Hepatitis C.

ok, I am going to say it... i read somewhere about a person who has a co infection... Hiv+ plus HCV. I don't know much about the issue... Max (who is sort of my health advisor) told me that there is one thing worst than having Hiv... and this thing is having HIV and HCV. I remember i asked him when my Dr failed to prescribe me the test... "how bad could it be?" and he replied "it is very very very very very bad". SHIT!!. I am about to get my answer of the HCV test in a week... ("IF" they did the test right this time not like past one where they didn't and it took me 2 months to be informed about it). I read this person is following some treatment, which brings to him strong.. very strong side effects.. but at the end could cure him of HCV... and you know what??... i don't think such treatment is available in here. Why?... well, for example from all Hiv meds approved around the world ..... here we have less than a half.. and they are out of stock at least twice per year.. and this usually last from 1 to 3 months. So... i can learn lot about the developments and all the stuff.. but the fact is that i cannot fight the disease same way cause i am living here... don't know if i ever will be able to have right access to meds... or if i will remain alive until that happens. And yes.. it is frustrating...now you understand i have many things to think in my life, if you add to this the CMV stuff perhaps, only perhaps you might find a reason to be afraid like i do... just perhaps... only a little. Having said this about the HCV (which was running in my mind trying to find a way out...) lets let it go and move on. It is so damn good to have a blog!!.... anothing i have to say is... my fear and axiety for the HCV is increasing as the time to meet my Dr and receive the results gets closer. You have to control yourself JuanCa!

So i gave it a try, to the new place.. mmm it is nice... i don't like the interface much... sort of cold... the one i was participating is more human... very very very human in fact (LOL). Still with it, reading spanish and being able to understand them completely feels nice. I just noticed we use different words... i always say "HIV" and they say "VIH". I say "Seroconversion" and they reply me "what??? ah you mean primo infection"... (primo means cousin in Spanish... so it sounds sort of funny to me). AND.. the funniest thing...in this HIV Spanish forum... NONE OF THOSE WHO POST "ARE" POZ. :))) Can you imagine?. Now you know that when i say that people live hidden in here i am very serious about it... they don't even disclose in internet forums.. oh come on... wake up guys!!! Wake up and live!!!.

Sandra advised me not to mention i am poz in there... she said "they will be crazy and will overload you with questions". Although i told her... i think i will say it, i mean perhaps if they see i am doing well while living with the disease it might help them to understand they don't need to fear.. they have to protect themselves!!! Plus it will reduce the stigma. I posted my introduction very light and friendly (the way i am) and today i already got questions back...but there was a pm that called my attention, there is this woman married to a poz man who wrote to me something like "Hey.. so glad to hear from you. Thank you for the motivational and optimistic introduction, aren't you the guy from aidsmeds??? i was just reading some posts over there yesterday night!!!!" OUPS!!! WOW WOW WOW... looks like I am not so unknown after all. Perhaps she got to know me after my sudden popularity incident hehehehehe :).. i wasn't aware i was so exposed, i told a friend "perhaps i am more exposed than i though" and he replied me "YES!! YOU ARE!!". In her message this woman also said something i already knew.."you know i sometimes go visiting there but i didn't subscribed cause you know.. the language and all that stuff is hard for me". Yeah i know it, i knew it and i was sure things like that was happening. There is a huge gap of information in Latin America due to the communication problems... mmm perhaps while i participate a bit, i can help to reduce that gap. So i am happy today, living in the middle of two worlds.. and trying to feel in both of them like home. Both places mean something for me now, and i hope i can cooperate. I keep on thinking we should connect people instead of separating them... it is a way to accelerate changes the world needs. I wanted to post about what i read regarding deafness and Hiv today.. but you see... it always takes me one or two hours to write a post in this blog.. right now it is 2.35am so i guess i have to go to sleep. Tomorrow have to wake up 9am.

Ok, well have a good night everybody and hope you enjoy a calmed live, it is one of gifts sent from Heaven.

Labels: New life, same illness