Nomad JuanCa's Report

Tonight is not such a nice night, i have been fighting with myself to get far from a person i really loved... and who perhaps infected me with Hiv. It has not been easy, i managed to be far from her for a month... just virtually talking but today i failed. We had sex again. It is something none would understand... when you love someone... this kind of things happen... and i hate when they happen, cause ... it brings more sadness at the end that any pleasure.

Because there is no love from her side.

So what the hell i am doing loving someone who does not love me? i don't know.

I wish i could follow my own advise sometimes...

Tomorrow i will meet my dermatologist in the morning, and request a meeting with an occulist at Social Security Hospital, last week i had pain in my left eye for couple of days, i want to get it checked to ensure it is not glaucoma. Looks like the virus keeps on working. Today morning i had diarrhoea... and i got afraid.. i mean... i have been without it for about 2 or 3 months, i was feeling proud of it. The rest of the day my stomache got stronger, i think it could be something i ate for breakfast (like the pork meat i ate downtown ;))

I don't feel confortable tonight... i feel like a bit empty... like if i had lost someone i loved ... like if ... my life would not be the same without her.... damn i miss her. Though it is better to be away... it is so fucking hard to do the right things sometimes.

Labels: New life, same illness