Nomad JuanCa's Report

Hi everybody, i am back online. I have actually been online lately but i haven't have the chance to post in both my English and Spanish blog... internet connection is still a challenge here, plus there have been lot of things going on.

I am doing better as long as my health goes... though i am under lot of pressure at work, i think they are trying to fire me and another co worker. Why? Many people from this store have resigned their contracts due to the low payments this company give and they have started to work with another competitor. Now the owner of the company thinks a co worker and me are somehow forwarding clients to the competitor. So right now this is like an spy movie... where i am in the middle. Yes, we are trying to do some sales with the competitor... cause he pays higher comissions and this company where i work right now pay NO comissions at all. Isn't it too difficult to decide, though we are not forwarding clients anywhere. If a client comes here and wants to buy... we do close the contract, though we know we are not going to receive any benefit from it.

I have never been so good in diplomatic stuff, i was more straigth forward type of guy. I have actually been looking for another job but nothing has happened, the problem is that the closest we are to christmas, the most difficult to find a new job is. So i am somehow like a double agent... better say a triple agent. I am in favour of my store (despite they do no good for us... just make our life more and more difficult), I try to do some sales with the other distributor (otherwise i would have not had money to eat this week), and i am also trying to do some work to fight aids :). What a life huh?.

I am making time, by January 2008 i will quit this job. I just hope i won't have troubles to find a new one. I can't stand my boss... he is just a pain in the ass. Complain for every little stupid thing that happens around. I have been so near to scream at him... i actually did it once... but somehow recovered my calm. How i wish life would be easier.... specially the survival part... but i guess it is not called survival for nothing.

I have been very tired these days... and stressed.... lot of psychological pressure, needing to watch my back and trying to play this game without getting burned.... when i would just want to live my life... i just would like to survive. ... never know i would have to play pscychological games to get some money to buy food.... amazing.... and tiring.

I hope things get better next year... if that is possible, ok ok... gotta be optimistic, it will improve.

The current situation at job is making me really really really desire the end of this year to come soon.... i am getting frankly desperated about it, FRANKLY DESPERATED, no exageration. Another reason why i want this year to end is because this has certainly be the worst year in my life so far. I fear things could get worst in future... i mean... i got diagnosed Poz, i am living in misery, i have troubles at work and not being well-paid, not to mention my debts.... yes, you will agree with me i have thousand good reasons why to wish this year to finish.

The sad part of this all is that even when this year finish... there are some things that will never feel the same. It is like if a truck would have passed over my life... and after it i am miraculously alive.... but not as healthy as before. I could survive but at the end i am paying a price for keep on living.

Well... they say good things are usually expensive, and i have been through a lot to stay here.... hope it worth the price i have and will pay. Gotta make it worth it.

Take care guys, i am at work and feel a bit tired of looking at the computer. By the way... a good thing, i could post a list of some of my favourite songs on the nagivation menu :) hope you like them.