Nomad JuanCa's Report

What if God was one of us?

Yes, i know it is a song from Joan Osborne but also soundtrack of one of the best tv series i have seen "Joan of Arcadia".

The story behind the Tv series is quite nice and particular. A girl who talks to God. Aha, to God. Although what is really funny and interesting is that Joan (Amber Tamblyn) is not the type of girl one think God would approach and say "Hi, I'm God". She is nice girl but not a prospect of Saint. She is a bit lazy, have never been great student, just like any other typical girl, but Joan care for others well being. And well, the fact one is not perfect does not mean God won't to talk to us. In fact i think God talk to those lost lambs even more than all others.

God asked Joan to do some things we would find strange.... gardening project, learn chess, get into advance chemistry class (well... i guess we would expect God ask us to do that) but much more... God asked Joan to feel... to relate with others and get into other's lives.... and without a clue of what she was doing.... slowly she realised how a small movement.... can make a big change.

It was broadcasted originally by CBS in Usa, with success but for some reason they just stopped the filming at the end of the second season. Here in Ecuador, channel 5 broadcasted during some time... at a terrible schedule, Sundays at midnight or 1am. It is amazing the lack of good likes from Tv channels over here, this is the type of series everyone should see because it is not religious, but human. I did stayed awake to see it. Way before Hiv+ by the way.

Joan felt she was doing silly things for God... i mean.... gardening? is that what one has to do to change the world?? Get into chemistry class??? what about activism on Irak to stop the war??? wouldn't it be more "God's Style"?? .... No. God taught Joan we all have a place on this earth and on his plan... and we don't need to do impressive things to make a change, we only have to be ourselves... and follow our hearts and God's guide to fulfil our goal on earth. Still with it... Joan had some hard times... i mean... following God in doing what seems simple could be seen as something easy... but we all know that following God's suggestion and doing what is right... is never easy.

The TV series had incredible soundtrack, composed by some of the most reflective and beautiful songs ever written. All the info about the show is at CBS Site. One of the songs is the one that motivated this blog.

Apart from all that there were several good things in series, for example. The faces of God. During the whole series there was a rule that was clearly explained.... God has different faces. We all might expect God coming from sky dressed in white, surrounded with light and a huge army of angels. ..... but in the series, it was proposed that God comes to talk to us using normal faces... God could be a punk rocker, a mature woman, a black man playing chess, a black waitress, a mimo.... a handsome young boy. God is much more human than we are used to think.... and it is certainly next to us. Here a pic of some of God's faces during the show.

I really liked that part, because it is truth. Most of us think about God as too pure to talk to us, and not like a father who is worried about us and always checking on us.

There were several lessons Joan needed to learn, and they were not all easy. Some of them were.

Joan's brother had an accident (before she started to talk to God) and once she asked God to cure him... to make a miracle... but God answered: "if i make exceptions it would not be fair for everybody, rules are to be followed... everything a person do has a consequence, you can only give him love Joan.. but he has to learn to live with the consequences of his actions".

Once God suggested Joan to find a part time job where she could help others... and in a bus she met a woman who needed a babysitter. Joan met the little boy she would look after... and then realised he had a strange illness in terminal phase... and that this 7 years old kid would die soon. Joan argued with God and told him "your plan is not right, people suffer... it is not working". God replied that the plan was perfect, because it was about making people grow and become better individuals.... and relate to others.... and yes, sometimes that hurts, but one cannot avoid being hurt... because if you try to do so... you stop living.. In this path.. everyone has different goals and time to be placed on earth "some will leave sooner, Joan... but during their short lives, they might impact other individuals and change them".

Joan had a best friend, Judith. She was a rebel. Skipping classes, drinking a lot, perhaps even doing drugs. They were both quite different... but who said that for being a real friend one has to be equal to the other?. They went through a lot together, but one day.... Judith died.

I don't have it very clear how but as for what i saw she was in a party and someone gave her drugs and until she fallen down on the floor and lost conscience. Then she was at hospital and could not recover.... she passed away. It was a big hit for Joan.... cause Judith died in front of her. I know i can relate to that... because eventhough it is years (perhaps over 10) that i don't lose anyone in my family one day i will... and i remember how is to suffer for loosing someone nice in our lives. Here some pics of that moment.

I had made an animation file about this moment but well... it did not work (or i didn't do it well) so i think you better watch out these videos from youtube... they are really touching.

and here another video

Here two reviews about the series from other Ecuadorian bloggers (Spanish) Majo Blog, Luis Blog

Apart from the whole story there is something interesting i would like to point out. I think God talk to us everyday. Off course, it is not a person seating next to me and calling my attention to say "hi, I am God". I just think that God uses situations and others people lives and words to talk to us everyday, or to be with us in the difficult moments, to warn us before things happen, and to comfort us once we start a long and difficult path. Somehow, i guess his plan is still running all around us, in our lives... but sometimes we don't notice it nor hear or talk to him.

The day i was diagnosed Hiv+ something strange happened to me, i really never took it into account in that moment because well... i was totally out of place when i first got the news, but now looking back in time i remember.... When i got off from bus to go to the Lab where i first got my results of eliza test, there was an old woman in the street... she was something like 70 years old. She was in my way to the Lab and was walking slowly and looking at me.... and without looking at anywhere else. I though she would ask me for something but as i passed next to her she did not.... she just looked at me. Strange i though, but kept on walking, i was worried about other things.

It took me 20mins approx to get my world destroyed and my life devastated.... i got the test results, and left the laboratory with my heart and myself trembling of fear... panic.... terror.... and talking to God... asking him to give me strength... and helping me to keep on believing in him. As most of you know... this illness has literally put all my believes in test... and i have lost my faith sometimes.... i admit it, it has came back slowly afterwards, perhaps because for me to believe is not something i have to do, or i should do.... i do it because for me it is a truth i can't deny or avoid, just my personal opinion. The thing is... when i left the Lab i was lost... i walked with my mind in other place..... went a different path in direction to the malecon.... and suddenly i found same old woman in front of me, i was in the middle of the block and she was at the end of it, walking the corner to cross the street.... she looked at me, staring at me one more time.... just looking, not saying anything. Out of nothing i though "will she be God?", i though about it only once and then deleted the though cause i though i was getting crazy.... plus.... the shock i was living was just big enough to consume all my thoughts. I kept walking... she kept looking at me... with a face of understanding..... i though "i must have such a terrible face right now... that it is evident for others i am unwell".... got angry, she kept on looking... and i just passed next to her... ignoring her.... i didn't need a stranger looking at me with understanding face. I left her without looking back, lost in my own world or the lost of it.

Sometimes, now i think back and i think that was perhaps God. Off course, i don't mean it in the religious-what-a-miracle way people would take my words but i mean that perhaps that person was in that specific moment the way that God used to tell me he cared about me... and understood how bad it felt to be diagnosed Hiv+. Since that day i have commented here different ways i think God has talked to me before and after my diagnosis. Off course, like everything related to faith this is not something everybody has to agree, this is just my personal way of thinking, my personal faith.

I guess the meaning of Joan Osborne's song is that. What do we do if God talk to us? do we listen? do we reply and start a conversation? but much more important.... are we able to see God in everyone we meet (or at least in some) and in everything happening to us? Perhaps .... we haven't heard it but he is calling for a conversation. Why not? Food for though.

Labels: New life, same illness, Spiritual

Hi, today talking to Max, from Quito, i was telling about my recent facts and he told me these words in latin "Noli me tangere" he said it meant "Don't let anything touch me" I found a slightly different meaning in Wikipedia "Don't touch me" eventhough can be used same way. This phrase was taken from Bible (John 20:17). There are several reasons why this phrase made its way until my blog today... some reasons you don't know but that are part of the puzzle (my life) that i am trying to re make right now.

None of you know, but before making my way to a non curable illness... i was struggling financially and had troubles paying my debts. How come? well, until last May i used to have two jobs and was making around 700 usd monthly working 8h 7 days a week. Then i was fired from one job and stayed with the one i have. Income fallen from 700 usd to 180 usd. The problem is that i am paying some stuff i bought while i had a good income. I didn't look for another job inmediatly cause i was tired... over a year with two jobs every single day (even holidays and weekends) it is somehow too much, and i though i could make it with the one job i had. I know i was wrong, you don't need to tell me.

So... the situation before my illness was.... i have debts over 2.600 USD with almost all my credit cards and the company where i bought my laptop. Plus as i am living alone i have to pay electricity, water, phone and all that on monthly basis. It means that i would need to pay around 500 to 600 usd monthly, when my salary is 180 usd after taxes. Oh yeah... when i said struggling i meant it. For several reasons (that i don't remember right now) i haven't been able to pay my credit cards since December 06, that was a problem... they call me all the time... same with the computer, and by beginning of March (few days before of me getting sick) i got water cut at home... and still is. Yes.. i have no water at home at this moment. My mother sometimes ask neighbors to give us some. As i spend most of my time out home i don't feel it much.

I remember myself asking God some help, i dislike having debts and it bothers me... and then... certain comet hit me. I didn't see it coming. I got diagnosed with this non curable illness. I was saying to Irina i had been hit lot lately, well... this is the whole picture.... when i said i had been hit a lot, i meant it. After the two tests and two shocks my diagnosis got confirmed, found my way to see Dr and i got this "level 3 or 4" classification that puts closer to heaven (Lol). Then i had a nice weekend, i though.. that's all... i have my big debts, my big illness, my big diagnosis... nothing else could be bad!.... but i was wrong.

Today i had two troubles at work. Somehow big. By 06/03/07 (a day before getting ill) I had some client renewing his contract with my company, he wanted to apply to some promotion, so i called our call center to make sure if he could apply and if promotion was still available. I was said yes to both questions.... but since last week i am involved in a internal discussion, cause the supervisors now say the info was wrong and this client didn't apply for the promotion. That is actually not a big problem, except from the fact that with the promotion this client got a discount of over 100 usd. Supervisor's head told me today: "I am sorry we cannot assume such a loss, it is too much money... we have to get it from somewhere". And that somewhere... might mean... my already weak pocket. Then i had another client with another problem, but i think that one is easier to solve (if they don't discover this client also applied to that promotion that now they say it is wrong). That means i didn't do it wrong by intention. I was told several times these clients applied for the promotion... and none said a word, until last week. Off course i cannot use that in my defense cause i risk that all those contracts might be broken and i would have to pay 100 usd per each one of them. Silly isn't it? So i just have my word to fight and I have my fingers so crossed.

Today i told the story to one of my good friends and he said "you know.. i don't know what to tell you... i know it is all falling on you at the same time...i just don't know what to say". I have been told not to stress cause it is not good for my health.... but i have had such headaches today.... for instance i felt my head would fall on the floor. The back part of my neck is in such a pain. I ate 2 hamburguers (which i actually should not) and felt a bit better. I feel there is no rest for me now... feels like God is making a strenght test on me... wish He would stop it..... I am thinking in having another job again... but i have to stablish with my visits to Dr and my illness cause i can't get a new job and ask for permission to visit Dr too often... plus, with my illness i am suggested to rest more... ha ha... to rest more, is it a joke?

Then i looked at my whole picture... oh God... it is like hell.... and the funny part is that it makes me laugh... i mean...i can't imagine not even in my dreams someone with so many problems like i have right now. I mean not even in movies... that's funny you know? sometimes i laugh and say to myself.. "God must be crazy!!!" with respect off course. Only in his mind this situation could be possible.... and still i wonder.... Man (God), how come do you let this illness fall on me when i am already in troubles?? I mean i could have been ill of this anytime... but why now? why all together? haven't you realised it is too heavey weight on a simple human's being?... and i have no answer... or sometimes yes, sometimes he gives me hints on how to go through it. Like today.

These are the reasons why i am weak and tired (and perhaps negative) these days... it is not only the illness itself which is already a big problem... it is all the others things as well. I want to point something..I AM NOT ASKING FOR ANY FINANCIAL HELP NOR ANY KIND OF MONEY. Have it clear. So please don't dare to make such offer. I just wanted to share the whole picture of this new world with you those who care about me, so you can best understand me. I am not requesting pity, no sorry feelings, nor pobrecito (poor guy) thoughs. This is just me, how my life is going and the test that has been put in front of me.... the whole truth. I decided that Noli me tangere would be my phrase today... cause i won't let any of these things touch me, nor touch my heart. They said "God never gives you more than what you can stand". I have been standing these troubles since December.... on March they got really worst... and today... there was just one more rock put on my already heavy weight.... but i don't tremble, sometimes i seem to be falling... sometimes. Sometimes it is tiring... but i am not totally weak at all. Cause someone prevents me to fall completely.... i never knew i would be so strong... and it is because i am not that strong, that's the truth. There's someone else helping me from above and he carries my heavy weight when i need to rest.... like right now and when i need a hand... he gives me two plus a word of encouragement, and rises me. Like today, like right now. Noli me tangere tonight.

Labels: New life, same illness, Spiritual

Well, these days i am reading an e-book that i found just by chance... but that happened to be quite good one. "The art of Happiness" based on Dalai Lama speeches and personal conversations with the author (Howard Cutler). I have always liked Asian culture, thats why i studied Japanese some time ago but i have to admit i have never really put interest in Budism... I have strong Christian believes, still with it, i found Dalai Lama ideas quite practical and spiritually deep... for a Budist.. a Catholic and i think for any Human being who believes one can be better day to day, that's what i liked a lot.

His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

I was reading so many smart and deep ideas that i realised here in Latin America we know few or nothing about Dalai Lama, we know he is famous and that's it (same like we know there is a place called Georgia but we swear it is a state within USA and in fact it is a country in Western Europe). So i decided to enlight my days and open my mind by make a small research about His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet.... here i share the light i found with you.

"His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, is both the head of state and the spiritual leader of Tibet. He was born on 6 July 1935.At the age of two the child, who was named Lhamo Dhondup at that time was recognized as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama, Thubten Gyatso. The Dalai Lamas are believed to be manifestations of Avalokiteshvara or Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and patron saint of Tibet. Bodhisattvas are enlightened beings who have postponed their own nirvana and chosen to take rebirth in order to serve humanity (how i wish we all would care about serving humanity).

His Holiness began his monastic education at the age of six. The curriculum consisted of five major and five minor subjects. The major subjects were logic, Tibetan art and culture, Sanskrit, medicine, and Buddhist philosophy which was further divided into a further five categories: Prajnaparimita, the perfection of wisdom; Madhyamika, the philosophy of the middle Way; Vinaya, the canon of monastic discipline; Abidharma, metaphysics; and Pramana, logic and epistemology. The five minor subjects were poetry, music and drama, astrology, motre and phrasing, and synonyms. At 23 he sat for his final examination in the Jokhang Temple, Lhasa, during the annual Monlam (prayer) Festival in 1959. He passed with honours and was awarded the Geshe Lharampa degree, the highest-level degree equivalent to a doctorate of Buddhist philosophy. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is a man of peace. In 1989 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent struggle for the liberation of Tibet. He has consistently advocated policies of non-violence, even in the face of extreme aggression. He also became the first Nobel Laureate to be recognized for his concern for global environmental problems." (Original source)

Of course there are many more things to say about His Holiness the current Dalai Lama, but something that calls my attention... is that few times.. one meet (to say it in some way) a person dedicated to the spiritual matters and even harder is to find someone striving for the best of Humanity. I actually felt like postpone my own Nirvana to also help the Humanity.. seriously. The only thing is that as i am Catholic (better say Christian) i am not sure if i have a Nirvana....mmmm i will ask about it.

Just one thing.... perhaps i am wrong but i notice a difference...

• Dalai Lama is striving for the best of Humanity and wishes that we all become better human beings by motivating us to elevate our level of spiritual conscience


• Pope is striving for the best of only Catholic people by telling us what is good and what is not (judging).


• Dalai Lama does not care for which is the right religion... as long as it makes you a better human being and take you closer to Divinity


• Pope only care to make us believe Catholic religion is the real one, and teaching that all the others are wrong and will go to hell.... huh? Divinity? what is that?

... what a different approach huh? I wish I could say that our Popes are as spiritual as Dalai Lama and that they say so many smart things.... all i can say is that our Popes look nice in the long robe and that they know our traditions by heart (and can tell them in several languages) but the point is... HOW SPIRITUAL THEY REALLY ARE? Oups... just small comment before being disbanded from Catholic Church and considered to be burned.

Well, back to the point, about this reincarnation... i actually don't believe in it, i mean we are taught from our childhood that once we die we go to hell or heaven, i guess that's a strong idea in me, but i actually wouldn't mind in coming back to earth, if it helps me to be a better human being and correct mistakes of my past lives and help others to understand we can be better.... lets see... if i die and i come back i will let you know hehehehe.

Other interesting things about Dalai Lama

Three Main Commitments in Life

Firstly, on the level of a human being, His Holiness' first commitment is the promotion of human values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline. All human beings are the same. We all want happiness and do not want suffering. Even people who do not believe in religion recognize the importance of these human values in making their life happier. His Holiness refers to these human values as secular ethics. He remains committed to talk about the importance of these human values and share them with everyone he meets.

Secondly, on the level of a religious practitioner, His Holiness' second commitment is the promotion of religious harmony and understanding among the world's major religious traditions. Despite philosophical differences, all major world religions have the same potential to create good human beings. It is therefore important for all religious traditions to respect one another and recognize the value of each other's respective traditions. As far as one truth, one religion is concerned, this is relevant on an individual level. However, for the community at large, several truths, several religions are necessary.

Thirdly, His Holiness is a Tibetan and carries the name of the 'Dalai Lama'. Tibetans place their trust in him. Therefore, his third commitment is to the Tibetan issue. His Holiness has a responsibility to act as the free spokesperson of the Tibetans in their struggle for justice. As far as this third commitment is concerned, it will cease to exist once a mutually beneficial solution is reached between the Tibetans and Chinese.

However, His Holiness will carry on with the first two commitments till his last breath. (Original source)

Interesting huh? I also like the idea of committing our life to live some values and share them with everyone we meet. Like the so famous AIESEC values that everybody spoke about and none (including myself) really lived. I just don't understand much why someone who is so elevated still cares about owning a piece of land... off course i might not understand it cause i am not the one in exile. Soo.... well this post is already long enough to share now the main things i learn from the book but i will do it later. I just wanted to share this with you for two reasons... 1. We all want to be better, but don't forget that in the way to become a better human being you not only have to develop your mind and professional skills... but your soul too. 2. Becoming a more spiritual human being is not an easy task... but sometimes an example like this one... can serve as a huge motivation.

ok that's it, poka. More info about Dalai Lama at www.dalailama.com

Labels: Spiritual