Nomad JuanCa's Report

Souvenirs..

Ok, this is a question none of you will answer NO. Do you have an AIESEC T-shirt??? do like them??? I remember that as soon as i became AIESECer i learnt something, one MUST have an AIESEC t-shirt, to show proudly that "everywhere we go, people want to know who we are so we tell them... WE ARE AIESEC!!!" Ahhh... those times... nowadays none sings the song when trainees arrives at airport, these new generations.... who understand them?



Well, I still have some t-shirts from my Aiesec time unfortunately they are becoming too old ... so i cant used them as much as i used to, the one that is still alive and kicking is my white t-shirt from IC in Calgary, Canada, 2002. Guys... very good quality!!!

I also have my super black t-shirt from LC Moscow :))) with a full moon and a orthodox cathedral shadow at the back which i LOVE!. and this one... this is my RUSSIAN MC T-SHIRT, one of the most meaningful i have had. sadly it is going bad.... so i wanted to make it last forever in these pics that i share with you in this post.

I love the way they placed my nickname there :) isn't it nice?? everybody knew my name eventhough everybody pronounced in a different way... yuanka, juanca, jeanca, does not matter :)

Ahh also Massyanya she could now scape from it, Massyanya is a young cartoon bradcasted on internet, weekly there is a new adventure of her, and eventhough i never understood what she was doing and saying cause it was all in russian, i remember that we used to stop the work at MC Office when the new Massyanya chapter was launched everyweek and we all got together behind a single computer to see Massyanya together, :))) funny that i never understood a shit, but ... it seemed to be cool and Massyanya has the adventurous spirit of all AIESECers so she was part of the team :)

And finally the back, ohhh... what a nice printing.. 2002 - 2003, but it is better that the last number was lost, cause now it seems it will last forever.... from 2002 until 200........................?

Lyublyu Poccya

Some good Moments of this year

Well... this year is almost at its half, and it has been a good one, at least at the beginning, right now it is turning hard to follow... but here.. first some good moments.

Matilde's Birthday - Matty (Matilde) is the asistant of the President of the company where i work, but actually she is doing almost everything, from accounting to delivering messages, printing, answering phone, and much more. She is a good friend, and she has had to face hard times this year at work, but she has moved fine so she is still with us and hope she will stay with us for a long time.




Together with Martha (the field chief... not sure if it is appropiated or right) we have made a good team... eventhough i don't trust Martha too much, she is sometimes changing moods too fast and also.. she is sometimes rude.. but Matty is someone one can trust all the time cause she is true... and thats something i learnt to value after my year as MC in Ecuador (where i had to work bith a bunch of hypocrats). Funny thing, my MC Term abroad was nicer, thats why i always say my Russian MC Team was the best i have had.

For Matty's birthday we went to Riocentro Ceibos, a nice mall sort of near our office (taking into account we are working in a very snobish neighborhood almost outside of the city.. having a mall sort of 2 km away is very near). Also during the celebration was Lidia she is a girl who works with us eventually codificating the surveys and supporting Martha's job at office when she has to go to the field. By the way, off course i learnt to be diplomatic while i was in Russia, i learnt to be a good player of this game called live.

I learnt that diplomacy is an art, that very few of us dominate, it is ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT from hypocresy, Hypocresy is saying you feel something you dont, so you are a LIER. In the opposite side diplomacy is a way to let you feel and show and express some feelings and expand them while you block others. For exemple, i sometimes feel like saying two or three things to Martha, but if i am diplomat i block those bad feelings and still tell her the true without placing myself in a conflict. It is like chess. For exemple in the pics, i like Martha as a co worker... i might not trust her, but i still think she is a good person. During the pics, i was happy for Matty, so i blocked any bad feeling for Martha and spread all the good feelings i have for Matty with everybody, got it? So i am still being true, if Martha comes to ask me... do you like me as co worker, i will answer yes. If she ask, do you trust me, i will answer no. (i will still have that smile on my face).

Few pics

These are some pics of my nieces, off course like any other uncle i found them so nice and smart and charming, i really love them. and no... i am not that fat!

;) JuanCa

How things change...

It is a funny thing, when i left Moscow and none made me a farewell party, i had to do by myself i took it like it would be cultural thing, someone told me.. "here we dont make farewell parties, if you are the one leaving.. you should make it by yourself".... but today checking the Aiesec.net spams, i got an email from the current Russian MC promoting a farewell party for their international MC member.... so then i wonder... is it normal thing for russians to make farewell parties or not???. Well, 3 years after coming back from Moscow i guess it does not matter. Shashaank, have a nice trip back home and a nice farewell party :)

what a tiring day

When things change...

Yesterday i had a big shock, and felt down.... Someone who was important for me and with whom I used to daydream and think we could be together for something more than just friendship and occassional fun, got married.

I tried not to look shocked, and made some jokes... but i felt so down.. and weak, like if i would fade away.... then i tried to recover, but the sadness feeling lasted all night long.

It is ok if we all chose our own path in life and follow it, it is just that sometimes changes take others not ready for them, and true is that i was not.

I know we will still see us, less than before but still, i know we will be in contact yet, i know i wont be able to call you mine anymore... but after all, i just want you to be happy, cause you mean and meant lot for me. I wish you the best.

The Axe Click Effect...

It is funny how multinationals can change mindset of the world and off course the way of thinking of some compulsive consumers appealing to the animal instinct inside or to their inners desire of bieng someone important (ignoring that we all are and we dont need to use anything else to be it).

Axe Click, something funny that is suppoused to make you look more irresistible and help you out to catch more girls, so you click and count how many pick ups you have (isn't it machism... why none has complained about it?), come on.... don't tell me you really belive that?

I had an axe click at home (not that i wanted to click/pick anyone but i liked the parfumme) but today morning when i was leaving to my job i kissed mom and she told me.


- What are you using? that smells like cheap prostitute parfumme!!!!

- But it is Axe mom, it is not prostitute thing... it is a deodorant..

- Not at all that shit smell like roses, like the cheap parfumme prostitutes usually buy, thats not for men!!!

I had to show her the bottle of Axe deodorant (just to make her feel sure i wasn't becoming a male prostitute) but then... i think i will change deodorant and if you think you are getting succesful with axe.... be careful, you might not ;)

Veronika decides to die...

It is a name of a book written by Paulo Coelho which i just read this weekend, the book tells a story of an Slovenian girl who tried to suicide herself... why?
"Veronika is a young girl who has same dreams and wishes like any other girl her age. She is pretty, has a good job and has several guys behind her. Her life is calmed, without big happiness or sadness. Eventhough Veronika is not happy. That's why, by morning of November 11th, 1997, Veronika decides to die".

Slowly while dying Veronika start thinking in living was worthy or not, but a big lesson is about to come and Veronika does not die due to a sobredosis of medicins, she wakes up inside a sanatorium... when she is told that her intented suicide left her heart weak and that she will have only a week left before diying.

During that week, Veronika discovered many things about life, herself and others... that also helped us to discover things about us...and our dreams. And how crazy we all are... and how affraid we are about living the way we want to live just for not being called or considered crazy.

"- I dont know what a crazy is -wishpered Veronika—, but i am not. I am frustrated suicide.
—Crazy is who lives in a own world. Like psichopats, maniacs. It means, people who are different to others.
—just like you?
—Eventhough —Zedka continued, simulating don't hear the comment—, you must have heard about Einstein, who said there was no time nor space, but a fussion of both. Or about Columbus, who claimed that at the other side of ocean there was not an abism but a continent. Or Edmund Hillary, who said a man could reach the top of Everest. Or the Beatles, who created a different kind of music and dressed in an innovatory way. All those people and thousands more lived also in their own world.
«This crazy is saying things that make sense», though Veronika.

—Once i saw a woman dressed in red, walking around Ljubljana when it was -5. I though she would be drunk and tried to helpe her but she refused my coat.
—Maybe in her world was summer and her body was warm of desiring someone she was waiting for. And eventhough that other person would exist only in her mind, she has the right to live or die the way she prefers, don't you think?."

This and other things made us (Veronika and me) reflect this weekend. Isn't it true that we all should be free to live the way we want to? and... how free we are?? aren't we like Veronika with a routinary life that repeats day after day but not brave enough to change it... being that taking suicide or just changing the path we take day by day. The book itself is full of things to keep you thinking. I could download a free copy of it from internet and if you get the chance to do it i strongly suggest you to.

Later on Zedka says "— I'm crazy, but i am being threated, because my case is simple: there is just a need to place some chemical sustance in my organism. Although, I hope that sustance will just limit to solve my problem of cronic depression; I want to keep crazy living my life the way I dream and not the way others wish."

"Crazies trust in the first impression"

"¿What is reality? - asked Veronika
—Is what most of the people considered should be, NOT necesarily the best, nor the most logical, but what was addapted to the colective. Do you see what i have around my neck? - Said Dr Igor
—a tie.
—Very well. Your answer is logical and coherent, proper from a quite normal personal: «a tie» .
»A crazy, although, would have said I have around my neck a piece of fabric with colors, ridiculous, useless and tied in a complex way that ends up making my head movements harder.
»If a crazy ask me what this tie is useful for.. i would have to answer: for absolutely nothing.
The only utility of this tie consist in getting home and being able to take it off.. giving us the sensation we are free from something we don't know what it is.
»¿does this sensation justify the existence of the tie? No. Nevertheless, if i ask a normal person and a crazy what is this, would be considered "ok" the one who answers "at tie". It does not matter who says the true, but who is right."

There is too much to post about this book.... but i hope these few parts would help you out to get interested on it, i swear it worth reading!!.

Cheers, Xyahka

The end of the story...

My laptop is broken so i am writing from my new pocket pc, not very confortable but useful anyways. Lets end up the story.

My farewell party was nice.. 15ppl came, there was a moment when i though none would, but i was wrong. That night i won a diploma for adaptation in Russia which i still have saved. MC team was present, well what was left of it, cause Monica and Sergey had already gone back home, also Stella did...so there was only Olya, Mitya, Masha and Dasha Evstratova, there were also alumnis there, the bunch of EF Guys, and the greatest surprise for that night was the visit of some newies from LC Moscow... i was present at the recruitment seminar and we became good friends it was nice to see them there at the party.

That night i showed a ppt presentation from Ecuador with lot of pics (second and last time i did a presentation of my country there), also we danced lot of latin music, like reggaeton and salsa ... it was great night, very meaningful was also that my Boss our MCP and another past MC member told me that they were proud of me and that they found out my contribution worthy in the team and that they always though i was the right person to work there for my profile and that with my work and daily interaction i had prooved they were not wrong. WOW that meant a lot to me.

My co workers also said.. they were impressed that i learnt to speak few russian at least cause it was not common for them to find a foreigner learning russian so fast and getting used to the country so well. Nice party, slowly people were leaving... at the end there was only Olya, Irina, Mitya, Dasha, Alexey and me.... dancing AIESEC songs until morning... isn't it the best way to finish an exchange story abroad? Never before those songs were so meaningful to me.

I left some souvenirs to my friends while preparing my luggage,... my buddy Victoria and her brother picked me up by 10.30am and Mitya helped me to go to the airport with them, it was a nice long trip, the sad part was that in the way i saw some many places i haven't visited... and i remembered.. time is never enough.

We arrived to the Sheremetievo Airport, they could not get in... so they left me at the check in point, and i went in.. and i though.. "Oh God.... it is almost over..." there was a mixture of feelings.... i though the way home would be fast and easy and relaxed..... I WAS MISTAKEN AGAIN.

I was doing this trip with only one dollar in my pocket, while doing the checking they found out my luggage was overweighted (for some stupid reason you cant take off from Russia same weight of luggage you brough in) and they wanted to charge me about 300 usd. HA!!! I had no money to pay.... i begged them to help me out and they said.. sorry you have to pay something or leave some luggage here.... so spent the next 25 mins taking off clothe from my luggage and see what i could leave at the airport, first thing i did was to put all my coats on me, 3 of them plus an overcoat, i was almost ready to leave many things there and i was the only one not at the plane so they told me... are you leaving or not? i said off course i am leaving i cannot stay, so they weighted my luggage it was still overweighted but they allowed me to get in with all my things in the airplane, ufff... i didnt have to leave anything. Thanks God!!.

The trip was something like 18 hours long, with 7 hours waiting in Amsterdam.... i was starving and thirsty... but with one dollar there is nothing you can buy or drink... i tried to stay calmed all that time... thinking that when plane arrived i could eat something at least and once home i could really have a good meal. By the time near departure there was some ecuadorian inmigrants coming from Spain who were just waiting same flight.. i saw them so different... so many dark skins... so noisy people laughing out loud... i though... wow.. these ecuadorians are so noisy. Hahahaha, i hadn't noticed it before.

The way back was calmed i arrived next day in the morning, my mother and sisters were there waiting for me.. i was so tired and hungry... and it was so hot... fuck.. i was sweatering, it took me like a month to get used to the weather... but feeling home was nice, in the way home i saw my "city" and though it looked more like a village, not huge buildings, not big blocks to walk, all was so small disorganised.

The following months were hard and came together with a deep depression feeling, there was no money at home and i had troubles to find a job... by other hand the feeling of being in a different place and missing my life in Moscow was not helping me, i used to get into my room and play russian songs in my computer... with the lights off.. and just some candles around trying to simulate our nights at mc flat.. trying to feel i was still there and crying... crying a lot.

That was the end of the story, some people tell me nowadays i was silly and that i wasted my time cause after all my time there didnt really helped me to find a better job here, the first job i got paid me 45 usd for almost 2 weeks of working, then i moved to another one that pay me 180usd per month. In my point of view it was not a waste of time, it was something that i had to go trough to be the kind of person i am right now and i think all the things i faced had a reason behind and helped me to become stronger.

Some facts about my time there none knows....

- Never used winter shoes during Russian winter (-35), during all the time i used a pair of shoes i brough from Ecuador, it was very painful but i had no money to buy special shoes for winter there (probably thats why i had the accident).

- Never learnt to say numbers, i can speak few russian now... but i never learnt to say numbers more than 1 - 5 so when buying something to eat i always carried a pen and paper with me.

- I can read cyrilic very well, but i dont understand all the things i read. Like first time i read "shaurma" and i though WOW they sell shawarma here. A dish i loved here in Ecuador.

- Did ice skating and played with snow, but i still cant control the skates :)

- None though i was ecuadorian, i was told to be african, irish, turkish, and all that but never ecuadorian..... even egiptian!

- Never bough new clothe in Russia, just a couple of coats that didn't help me for winter, i could survive there only because the brother of Olena Onyshchenko (a ceeder from Ukrain in Ecuador) bought me some clothe. Olena Thank you, i owe you my life as well.

.... Still nowadays when i see some movie that has been filmed in Moscow at the cimena.. i jump from my seat and say to my friends... I WAS THERE!!! I WAS THERE!!! ... off course some of them hate me for that ;)))

Ya Lyublyu Rossia - I love you Russia

I love animals and i just found a way to addopt an animal on internet, so please give a warm welcome to Tito, my nice and sweet and tender hamster :) isn't him cute?

If you click on him he will go on running on his roullette :) he is sooo nice and so curious, just like mee!!!!

well... there is lot of ppl writing me back and saying that they cannot come. :-(

I guess i am not good organizer of parties.... whatever, at the end does not matter, i have met my best friends already, and i undertand if some of them have exams, or are travelling today...

It also means that i will not need to prepare much things for the party tonight.. i have nothing to give them :(( hopefully someone will bring some alcohol... Ok, i am preparing my luggage now. talk to you later.. i will send a weblog before leaving :)

today i met some of my best friends here..

I met Valentin and we went to Rostics here, a kind of KFC place. We talked a lot about our plans and future life. I will miss him so much.

Then I met Anna (Ecuador) and Vika (Armenia) my buddy, and we went to Boar House, there we met Sergej and Olga from EF. We had a great time together, laughing, dancing, chatting... i felt so good. I will miss them all so much. It seems to me that my friends specially the guys from EF have somehow realized my situation here... Sergej paid the whole bill... I know him, he is very smart person, i am sure he suspects something of what has happened to me here.

You know.. it is weird, i am going home absolutely poorer than when I came, i am going home broken... with only 1 USD in my pocket. AIESEC will not pay me all the salaries i have not received and do not even care on how i am surviving. According to my calculations i should not need anything during the trip, so i hope i am not wrong otherwise i will be in problems. I am just very sorry that i do not have even money enough for my farewell party :(( I bought a bottle of coke yesterday and thats all i have. I told my friends to bring something else to drink or to eat.. i hope they will otherwise i will feel so bad :((

It is strange the behavour of some Russians, or even probably not of some russians but some of this team members.. i asked them to help me to find someone with car to take me to the airport (around 2h trip), today i asked.. and they had not done it. They told me that if i do not have much luggage we can go by metro... i do not feel like going by metro all the way.. with all my luggage.. but i though it would be normal.. probably it is too dificult to find someone (although they found someone when Monica left). Today while talking to my buddy she asked me if i had someone with car to go to the airport... i told her the story.. and she said she would help me. Probably her brother can take me there. I am lucky!!

well, that's how the things go...

I think this guy Mobys is reading my weblog, he is just ilustrating my thouhgs lately. It is funny the pic is about this song "sunday" which happens to be the day i will arrive to Ecuador, to my "home sweet home". unbelievable.

well... i have many things to say... these days are quite busy finishing reports, still dealing with KLM, meeting all my friends and still meeting some new people. My God... sometimes i think i will get crazy.

Today i talked with Olya, she told me that some people from MC are offended because i sent my email with the farewell message instead of talking to them. It was strange for me, first of all i had already told them about my leaving (or the possibility of it), second Monica also sent a farewell message and i though it would be normal for me to do it... don't you do it in your country??? But off course, i missed the part of the talking, i was expecting that they would react and then i would talk to them, but they took it in a different way. Well i am still learning about the culture here. Everything is somehow clear now and i will ask for excuses if i offended them.

Today Olya and Irina Ruseva cooked some Borsh for me (it is a Russian soup) it was delicious, you should try it :))

You know i am getting an strange feeling now.. the feeling that going back home is not really going back home.. somehow i have started to feel that my life here in Russia... is my home now. Everything is so normal, and i am so used to all the things here.. that i just feel like i would have lived here forever. The question is now... where is my home? here or in Ecuador? I do not know the answer, Home is where the heart is placed. It is for sure that part of my heart is here in Russia... and other part in Ecuador... i am just confused right now if i am really going home or travelling abroad again.

Problems are starting to happen again, my family already started emailing me their complains, it seems that as soon as i arrive i will have to hear so many things... even my God Father from London called home last week to ask for my phone number here to call me and complain. I hope he does not reach me. :-/

Today i met an actor here, very interesting person and were talking about many things, one of them about how old women singers can keep themselves fit and proyection so much power in their performances. We both agreed that all their power comes from inside them, from their heart and also mentioned that usually after a long period of hard work these women take some years for rest. Then my friend said something that made me think... he said "exactly.. they take their time to change" YES! Time to Change.. to grow... to improve.. to look inside yourself and get over your own limitations...

Sometimes i feel i have not taken so much time to look inside myself, and sometimes i think that my time here in Russia... was a big time inside myself, inside my affraids, inside my tears, inside my mind and my heart, really inside me. Now after all this time and after all this problems, and after becoming stronger i should go back to the rest of my life and to all the situations i left unsolved in Ecuador, and solve them and shape my life in the way i want. Isn't it exciting??? it gets me lil affraid as well. But i am possitivie, i think i can do it. I will try. a BIG WELCOME to the rest of my life!!

Few Jokes ...from 27/Mar/03



Subject: Joke (s) of the Day - Part II
Date: 27 Mar 2003 12:10

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they
came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it
was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American
soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe.
They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had
happened.

"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth
when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him
right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful,
lying piece of trash!'"

"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a
moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'"

"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

Irina Ruseva few days before leaving asked me... Yuanka, what has been your last cultural shock lately?

I answered... that i have to prepare my own farewell party.

In Ecuador your friends or LC Host gets together and prepare a farewell party for you when you are ending up your term, .... in Moscow there was no such... also well... we were considered MC and it seems there is no servicing and learning for International MC members.

Irina explained me that in that part of the world, it is not common to prepare such.. she said "But Yuanka, listen... if you are the one leaving, and you are the one who wants to see your friends... shouldn't you be the one preparing the party and invite them all to come together??????". And suddenly i answered YES. The i knew i had changed.... cause in Ecuador is not that way... but Irina's words were so logical for me in that moment that i could not find a logical reason why Ecuadorians do it in the opposite way... i remember asking myself... "but why do we do it different in Ecuador???" and i found no answer.

Before this talking to Irina i was very angry with that situation here...

I am organising MY OWN FAREWELL PARTY 27/Mar/03

Can you imagine it??? well... i could not imagine that before.. but here.. i can imagine it and live it. None is even worried about anything before i leave, for some of you a "farewell" party is something usual and normal that your friends do for you.. here.. if i want to have any.. i have to make it by myself. It was the same with Monica we both organised everything for her... even the farewell party... none else cared. Viva the servicing and learning for international MCs!!!

whatever.. i just sent this email today...


Hello mc,
sdarova!!! so... i just wanted to tell you about the farewell party I
AM ORGANISING for myself :)))

well, i hope none will be angry for me making a farewell party in the
MC flat, so here are the details...

it is going to be on april 4th starting from 7pm.

I will try to do something ecuadorian but it all depends on ressources
and i will try to contact Anna (my ecuadorian friend) to see if she can help me.

I know that Dasha will be in Moscow on 4th, so it is very important
for me to have her here,.. to this party there will be some of the
people i met and have been really good contacts for me.

The people invited are some alumni who are my very good friends, some
aiesecers from Moscow, some expats i know, trainees, some russian
friends, people from some companies with whom i have a close
contact. Dasha this will be a good chance for you to start building
your network in Moscow, meeting people is the first thing you have to
do here in order to survive and get support.

I am asking all my friends to bring something to drink or to eat since
i cannot ensure i will be able to prepare anything... so guys, please
also do that.... and be ready to have the wildest latino party you
have ever had!!!

PD: i wonder... is it possible for you guys to help me to find someone
to take us to the airport on april 5th???? Probably Egor.. if he is
free... please confirm me.

your team member forever!!!

JuanCa

I love these people, but this thing of the farewell party.. is so basic... i mean... it is just logical that you make one when your friend leaves... it is just unbelievable that none even care for that. (this touched me). whatever... welcome to Russia.

Yesterday i met the regional director of a big british tourism company, and we talked a lot about Russia, he told he does not understand how i have been able to live here for six months. I also do not understand it ;)))

About the other AIESEC position... well... it is being quite hard to write back and say ... sorry i cannot apply... this work is exactly what i want to do right now, even i was thinking in finding this kind of job in Ecuador and any company before reading this application... now that i read and found my dream come true.... it is hard to say no :((((

Damn!!! it is not fair.

Funny thing.... I left the KLM Partnership 80 to 90% advanced, when i left they were just reviewing the contract.

For several months i didnt know what happened with the partnership eventhough i asked by email, but none answered me. I left all the written communication saved in the server and also presented Mitya to the KLM Manager as he would be doing the follow up of this. I forwarded to him all the emails i got from KLM. The thing is... i think after couple of months i read in a spam that KLM was National Partner, I WAS SOOOO GLAD :))))) Damn we made it!!!!!!!!! I made it!!!!!!!!!! it was a big succes for me, you know the feeling of reaching a big national partner abroad is great :))). The funny thing is that the partnership i think didn't last a year... several months afterwards it was the agreement was broken because KLM migrated with Air Frances as you all know.

This what my friends said when i informed i was going back to Ecuador...

They are waiting for me!!!! 26/Mar/03


Ohhhhh!!! so cute my friends!!!! :))) I wrote them yesterday that i am going back home... and when i opened my email today.. i found this (I translated them)


JuanCa: Hello!! the time past quite fast!! did you already finished your period???? I wish you a good trip and keep in contact!!! what email will you use since now?? Saludos,
Daniel Aguinaga. France


I just cant believe that my friend !!!!!!
Cool!!, Listen i will be waiting let me know so we can all meet together, I am dying to talk to all of you !!! and much more with you Juanca , it is still in my mind and heart, all the effort we put during that year as EB ..
Take care and see you soon ok?_
Tu amiga
Gisella Guayaquil, Ecuador


Hello Juanca it is good to know you are coming back, i hope you will come to manta, i am glad you are back, you know you can visit us whenever you want, come to visit your friends we have so much to talk so take your time to come here, Fanny and me are quite happy for having you back...
We'll wait for you... enjoy your last days there and do not forget to bring us something (joke!!) jajjajajaa
bye
tu amiga irma Manta, Ecuador


Juanca!!
It's been so ling my dear friend!! It is good to know that you are coming back to Latin America.. when are you coming to Brazil to vist us? ;-)
On December Freddy and me went to Peru to visit his family in Lima. We are quite ok, working a lot, and studying a lot... I started a new career (Quiropraxia) after finishing Management... it is quite cool!!
Which are the news about the war in Russia? We are quite worried with such stupidity done by USA ... :-(
A big kiss!!!
Zelly, Brazil


OOO you are sooooo coming to Cuenca as a first thing!!!!!! We have a
loooooot of talking to do :)
Abrazo
Kaire, Cuenca-Ecuador


Guys i am glad you are coming back to Ecuador, so i can see you or call you, i want to see all of you and kiss you and hug you, so confirm me your arrival time and date, also give me your phone numbers, take care i love you a lot...
Leidys, Guayaquil - Ecuador



ohhhh they are so nice :))))))))))))))))))
I am glad i am going home :))))))

Few days ago i sent my farewell message to my team...

Hello mc,

I hope you are fine. Well, i guess it is time for me to give some news,
i am not sure if to be happy or sad. I have fixed my problems and confirmed my leaving on April 5th at 4pm.

You may wonder why i sent an e-mail saying that i would stay one more
month some days ago... i will explain you...

I asked my family to find the money for my trip, 644 usd. But they wrote
me back that they could only find 300 usd, so that i would have to
stay in Moscow one more month until they find the rest.

I accepted the idea, thinking that as it is expected I would get some
salary (remember last time i got salary was in December). The whole
February and march i have been surviving by myself, my family cannot
maintain me. They have only sent me 50usd once, and all the rest of
the money i have used here i have had to get it from friends I made
here... just in case you wonder how i survived. It is already
lot of money, i was counting with my salary at the end of this month so
i could pay some money back but i asked and i was told that we won't get
salary.

My friends, i hope you understand that for me it is not possible to
stay in Russia in this situation, now i cannot keep on lending money
that i am not sure i will get back from AIESEC. Even more if i stay my
airplane ticket will be more expensive and therefore it will be harder
for my family to take me back.

As my family cannot help me and i cannot stay i asked some of my friends here in Moscow to lend me the money for my flight and luckily they accepted to help me. Today i have paid for my flight and everything is confirmed.

Well, i think we all will be mixed emotions with this. I am too. I
just can say that i will keep on working until April 4th and hopefully
i will leave the agreement with KLM signed. That will be my payment
for you having done the favour of bringing me here. I did not forget
about it.

You know.. in this six months.... many good and bad things have
happened among us, sometimes we have supported each other... sometimes we have hurt each other.... sometimes we have been careless to each other... sometimes we have even told others "everything is fine" when
it was not like that. But i personally think we became a team.

For many people we are not probably the best team, or even not in
whole sense of team definition probably.... but we are a team. why?
Because we both have suffered together, have done mistakes, fight,
claim, complain, congratulate, cry, sleep, dance, fall, eat, clean and much
more TOGETHER and you know what?? little by little... we became one.
One with different oppinions, one with different languages, one with
different moods and humor sense... but we became only ONE, ONE TEAM.
In one or in other side we all sacrificed many things for Aiesec this year.
We are also a team because we all are committed for the same, take rubek
higher. If you ask me... thats the image i will take from you in my heart.

I hope i will leave you guys with a piece of me in your heart, memory
and life... i am taking a piece of you with me.

Masha once asked me: how has been the experience so far??

If you ask me that nowadays, my answer is still the same...

"it is being extremely hard on daily basis, sometimes i have just desired to
scape from here and have had headaches, extremely deep depression,
hunger... and so on. Some days have been too hard for me and i asked
myself why i came here. But some other days i just felt i was not
alone...although sometimes i felt i was. Eventhough the most important
is that as overall, the experience has been amazing. I learnt many things about me, and i was forced to learn, understand and accept many things about others. And then I discovered what is real cultural understanding all
about... i learnt what is life all about... and i realised many things
i should change in order to become a better man."

thanks for bringing me here, i hope you find in very small details or
moments the value of my contribution to the team if any... small or
big?.. i do not know. worth the investment?... i hope yes. God knows i wish i could have left you with 50 national partners. But God also know that i was fighting myself with my own limitations and the opposite
circumstances around me, i think i succeed (mostly)... i learnt the language,
i know business atmosphere here, hopefully i will raise this partner,
i got to adapt to your way of managing aiesec, i got to survive
through the winter and the moments when i had no money. and i am still
here, giving you an smile every morning and i am still feeling part of
AIESEC Rubek and know that i will never stop being part of it.

you know... i could write forever and i will never say enough about
this experience. i just want to say that i love you all and i will
miss you so much. My life will never be the same without you.

but my life will never be without you, because you are always in my
heart.

We have one week together... the best week ever... i love you guys.


Sincerely yours,

Juan Calderon


I almost cried while writing. I though that none would mention anything about it... not any reply... or probably one.. and it happened that way, Dasha wrote to me back from IPM saying that she will be in Moscow before i leave so we can meet. Yesterday Mitya told.."so you are leaving my friend". and that was all... none else said anything. Before i would have though that nobody cares.. and it would have hurt me, but not now.. i was expecting it. I think they feel something.. but Russians are not able to talk about their feelings openly. It happens in many cultures.

I was considering problaby apply for an AIESEC position somewhere else, one country i always wanted to work in. Talked to my family and they said NO!!. If i want to do something with AIESEC it will be only after i finish my University and finish paying all my debts as they won't give any support anymore. Well... kind of understandable after all that happened here. i did not complain but accept it. Who would say that after working for AIESEC abroad i am going home even poorer than i was...not that i was looking for money, but it is not fair so many troubles. whatever.. who cares about this?? I am sorry in saying that none cares about the situation of International MC members.

Something cool is happening i have been keeping contact with my friends who were in EB with me in 1999-2000 they all were somewhere in the world, but now some of us are going back to Ecuador :)) at the same time. Tanya finished her traineeship in Germany and is back home since 2 weeks ago, Mayca has vacations from University in Italy so she is going to Ecuador and will arrive one day before me. Cynthia is working as MK Manager in a company in Quito (the capital) but will be back in Guayaquil for holidays. Leidis she is married and crazy about seeing all of us again :)). Ericka, she is married and working in Dominican Republic, she cannot go to Ecuador right now as she was already there, but she wishes us the best. It is going to be very cool to meet all of them :))))) it is almost... 3 years that i do not see some of them.

Life keeps on being exciting, i am just counting the days.. i want to jump into that plane and get the rest of my life

Well... it was funny how i didn't know a shit of what was waiting for me when i came back... i was happy but didnt know what would happen, i just hoped for the best.... and it was... i am much better now that in those days... but it took about 1,5 or 2 years to get that better... life itself is a long process... sometimes not so long.

Preparing a new life 25/Mar/03

:)))))

I am going back home... it is strange, a mixture of feelings, sometimes i would like to have more time to do things here.. and sometimes i just want to go inmediatly.

I will start contacting my friends here and there. Here i will try to meet them during this or next week to say goodbye. As soon as i arrive i will try to meet my old friends, i am so desperate to see them.

I am starting to plan what to do.. and what i need to finish over here... my god many things in my mind. i have lot to be done.

YES!!! I am leaving Russia on April 5th at 4pm.

Everything went perfect today (wow... few days like this one). I will tell you everything tomorrow, we are having problems with our internet. poka

looks like a nice day 24/Mar/03

Yesterday i went to the hospital and i got my second assistance, now i only have a very clear line above my eyebrow in the left eye. :(((( I hope it will disappear with the time.

I just got an email from Valjia, the money is for sure. he wrote to me...

"Hey, Juan!
Great to hear you r finally less sick - I told you many times that Russia tryes to kill you somehow. So, I think it is new not-known virus and there are no doctors in the world who can help you... the black humor, he-he.
May be because I had to wake up 30 minutes earlier to get money for you! I'm jocking, man. not about money - I really got it. So, I think it is easier for you if I give you 700 usd, than you will split this amount between me and yr buddy, for me it really doesn't matter 600 or 700 hundred.
So, just come to my office any time, but remember that you still need time to go to buy tickets, so, pls make it not too late.
C U and hope your "Russian disasters" will finish soon!
Valja."

This guy is absolutely amazing. I owe him my life... i would have died already if it would not be for him. Ok, it is time to prepare for going out and fix my leaving. wish me luck, if i get to KLM and find this flight full.. i will die there!!! Let's try to be possitive.

I just found this online and i had to post it. One day... i will be back (with thousand of dollars in my pocket!!) and i will really enjoy this country and the culture and i will meet my friends :))) and I will say "I am back in the USSR" ... or at least the former USSR.

Beatles - Back in the U.S.S.R.

Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC
Didn't get to bed last night
On the way the paper bag was on my knee
Man I had a dreadful flight
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Been away so long I hardly knew the place
Gee it's good to be back home
Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case
Honey disconnect the phone
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boy
Back in the U.S.S.R.

Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my mind.

I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys
Back in the U.S.S.R.

Show me round your snow peaked mountains way down south
Take me to your daddy's farm
Let me hear your balalaika's ringing out
Come and keep your comrade warm.
I'm back in the U.S.S.R.
You don't know how lucky you are boys
Back in the U.S.S.R.


By the way, yesterday while talking to my buddy we went to Arbatskaya a place in the city where they sell souvenirs of Russia. Very nice place. I asked her why in the Russian t-shirts it is written "CCCP" she explained me that it is the translation of USSR but in Cyrilic. It means:





She also explained me the meaning of the symbol used in the shelter of the former USSR. It means work. In soviet times everybody was supposed to work either on specialised fields (hammer) or in camp.

Something curious is that my friend emphatized that in former USSR, man and women had same responsibility in work. Also there was a strong healthy culture, as they had to work a lot it was said from government that the "Profile of USSR Inhabitants" should be someone who is very healthy, tall, strong build, sporty, and so on. And you see that everywhere, in all the monuments, it is even interesting as my friend made me realise that in all women monuments they are symbolized with almost same muscles like any men. Now I understand where this idea of free medical assistance came from, come on that is a great idea :)) we should do something like that in the American Continent and in the whole capitalist world, medical assistance is one of the basic things any human being needs.

Today i need to go to the hospital for my second assistance in my wound, but i am not sure if i'll have time. Also i would not like to go alone... :(

I think yesterday I got an infection in my stomage i am not feeling very well today.

Well.. the reasons why i had no money to go back home are easy to explain from my side, as for my mother... she was retired... and for several reasons as she was old (over 46) when i left she could not find job in Ecuador, she was living with my sister. When i came to Russia we had planned that i would work here and save some money for my way back and that she would also do that and that we would do lot of things after i went back home. It all went in the unexpected way... as usual... i had no money in moscow, and in Ecuador she got into a huge and deep depression.... for almost a year.... my sister used to write to me saying " Mom is not well, she cries all the time... she does not want to even get off from bed.... i have to go visit her everyday to make sure she is alive". Summarize all together with my situation in Russia... and now you know why i had no money to go back home, mother had not worked for a year... my sister was supporting her and she didnt have enough money for her, her family incluiding a small child, my mother..... and my way back home. The possitibility that i would stay stucked in Moscow was real... and i was affraid of that, once my visa was over.. it would be a big a problem.

Luckily, Valja helped me with a solution and thats something i will appreciate from him forever, have you heard about everlasting debts? this is one.

I might go home!!!! :-) 22/mar/06


well, i might go home.. that's great!!

Everything happened just after i finished my last weblog, i tried to made my mind that i would stay in Russia, and that i would get my salary and then i asked if they would pay me at the end of March as they told me...and the answer was... "There is no money". ....Come on guys it is already two months!?!?!?!... and that person answered me "I do not know".

So then i made my mind... I NEED TO LEAVE. not even to leave... i need to scape. I am really sorry but there are many reasons i cannot stay in Russia one more month:

• My new ticket would be 150usd more expensive than the current one.


• I won't received my salary so how am i supposed to survive?.

I already owe Valentin almost 100usd. I cannot ask for more. So then i decided that if my family cannot help me in Ecuador... i need to find a solution here... but somehow... i need to go.

It is not easy to find more than 600usd in two days... because my last day to pay the ticket is on monday. I know some people... after all it was good that i was able to build my own personal network here, although not all the people i know would be able to help me with such a big amount of money. I know people from companies and so on..... but i cannot ask this favour to them.

There is only one person, i could ask for this help, the one who have saved my life here. Valentine.

I felt quite bad asking this kind of help, but it was my only one option...i really do not know anyone else who could help me that way...none i am close enough. I knew i could not ask that to my team members.... they do not know how i am surviving (do not even ask).....they know i am having problems to go back.... they just feel sorry. Off course i do not expect anything else from them, after all my troubles here... i do not expect absolutely anything.

Today i met my buddy (Vika), and she is aware of my problem, and tried to suggested me what to do.. she also offered to help me with some money.

So, the final arrangement, Valentine asked one of his friends to lend him 600usd and my buddy might lend me 100usd. My family will send me some money on friday so i will pay my buddy and some money back to Valentine. Valentine told me that about his friend it is not absolutely sure but if it fails he will try to help me somehow.... i need to wait until monday... to see if everything works out but at least there is a hope.

I still cannot believe that Valentine is able to do such a favour to me. I know it is not easy, at least for us, capitalist, money is one of the topics that we never touch with friends. This will sound bad but, now i remember when i was in my LC and my financial situation was better and i used to invite the people from my EB for lunch, I always paid for them or shared my food.....when i was in MC in Ecuador they were some of the few people who really cared for me and sometimes shared their food as well. Somehow i am getting it all back. Life is a chain... what you give.. you receive.

I am amazed and truly thankful with Valentine for all his support during my time here. I told him... "you know guy, you have crazy friends like me, who decided to come to Russia, and now you are becoming crazy as well by helping me in this way" and he answered me "I just know that you should not die in Russia..... probably somewhere else but not here :-))". Valja has a very good humor sense :-)))) God, how can i be so lucky that i found such friends here!! Thanks a lot.

Valentine, I owe you my life. really.

Valentine also let me call to Ecuador from his work for free (wow!!!). I talked to my family and they are quite happy about the possibility of having me back. My mother wrote to me the other day "do not worry, everything will be ok, once you come we both can start to re-build everything as it was before. Having you close to me will help me not to be depressed". I know there will be big challenges in Ecuador but I am very possitive.

I guess it is a good time to go home. I learnt many things here, i prooved to myself that i can be succesful abroad (before leaving i will sign a National Partnerwith KLM that will allow AIESEC in Russia to attend IC + IPM almost for free). I developed myself, and found out that i am able to do many more things than expected (solve many more problems than expected as well!!!).

After 5 years.... investing my money in my LC, receiving trainees alone at 3am on week days, studying and travelling at the same time, solving all kind of problems with companies, trainees and with my own personal survival, starving..... i think i gave a lot to AIESEC, i also received a lot. I did not expect to face so much troubles while working as MC, less being abroad... all this was not mentioned in the application. Although, Monica and me stayed here because we wanted to stay... because we believed and still believe in what we do and think we can make the change happen. Probably it is time for me to get to Ecuador, to the real world... and to the rest of my life.

I am very happy, I will go back home very soon.

PD: I am at Maersk Sealand Russia (Valentine's work) using internet and taking a coca cola for free. Wow.. what a cool company!!! ;-)

In Moscow i discovered thanks to my team to one of my favorites singers... Zemfira, visit her site www.zemfira.ru, she has very nice songs and a beautiful voice, off course, i dont understand all that she sings.. but music is universal language... so you dont have to understand it, just feel it. Believe me.. i am Latin i know what i say!!

I still listen to Zemfira, Taty and other russian singers quite often nowadays....

When i was about to come back the war was about to start with Irak.. i was worried about it.. it might create more troubles to my way back, but luckily it didnt affected me.

La-la-la

There is a very nice song, i do not know what it is about, but at least i could found out the lyrics... in Russian. check it



well thats for now, nothing confirmed with my going back to my country....

What a shit that the war is about to start!!!!. I DO NOT LIKE THE WAR. BUSH.. STOP IT!!!

Well.. i like russian concept of male beauty, it is all very masculine... bears, hairy fit people, smelly (cause they dont use deodorant in winter) if you are russian you might not notice.. but if you are foreigner...YOU DO NOTICE IT FROM DISTANCE!!!.

But later on you get used to, also in winter they dont take shower often, only once per week, when i saw that... i though "YEAK!!!" ... but the true is...

I stopped using deodorant since december until i left Moscow, i had no money to buy it and also... i am sorry i stopped smelling anything around me.
I stopped taking shower once every 2 days and changed it to once per week, yes.. same thing i complainned before, hey... dont think i am dirty... have you ever been in Russian winter when it reaches -35??? Believe me in those moments a shower once a week is ENOUGH. Also... look it in other way.. that was cultural understanding and addaptation huh?!!....... I had to ask my mother to buy me a deodorant for when i arrived to Ecuador as i knew they would not like my smell... i also told her in advance i was not taking showers often and that i might... smell a bit different ;)

Russian Concept of Male Beauty 18/Mar/03

It seems the internet is back, thanks God.

I am worried that my wound will leave me a big mark in my face :(((((( it is a very big wound... :((((( I have talked to some of my friends here and all the Russians have told me this....

Scars beautify a man: if one later ask u 'll say - it's from MC battle
in Russia:)))) - Anna Bezdudnaya

It seems all the Russians have the same concept of Male Beauty... so now if anyone ask me what happened in my face i will tell them that i am Rambo! Seriously... i hope i won't have a mark in my face. JuanCa

Also funny thing.... i do show up with pride my scar i got when i was in Russia nowadays :))))))

Ok, now there is no money to pay our internet connection... so no internet :(((

I am in Valentine's work in Maersk (quite a nice company i would say). Did you know that here you can eat and drink better than in a restaurant and everything is free??? OH MY GOD!!! The differences between south and north.... and AIESEC and Maersk....

ok, it is time to go my friend has to do many other things and i have to go home. Valja thanks for let me using your internet ;)))

Same day Monica left i had an accident... ended up in typically Russian Hospital, somewhere i didn't know... I actually faced all kind of things in Russia... prison, accidents, lost, homeless... ufff it was a very exciting year!!! Off course, when i was bleeding on the street i didn't think that way.

I got a long injure above my left eye. It was well cured, when i came back... my mother told me "wow.. russians do good with sewing injures it almost not visible" Well here some actual pics of myself (I just took them) and the whoe story.

Yes.. the injure is that line above my eyebrow, not very visible now. Thanks God.

F * C K !!! 17/Mar/03

Shit... it is unbelievable that these things happen to me. I had an accident yesterday (the day that Monica left) and ended up in the hospital.

I went out, for a kind crazy night (i did no drink alcohol AT ALL) and when coming back home at 2am i though in going by walk as the metro was closed (and i do not have money for taxis) and then.... zas!! and PUM!!!!

I fallen down in the ice and hit my head really bad.....I was absolutely alone... I standed up and though.. ("shit.. this only happens to me") was touching if everything in my head was fine... when... i found my hand totally covered in blood. SHIT!! I AM BLEEDING!!!!!!

F*ck!! what to do when you bleed in the middle of the street at 2am with none around, less than 10usd in your pocket and in another country which a different language??? Look for help, does not matter you do not know how to say "help me" in native language. So i saw a Gas Station near and went there, they helped me and gave me 1st aids assistance... but i did not stop bleeding, i went to the mirror and found a 4 or 5 cm long injury near my left eye... ("shit.. this is big i need to go to the hospital!!!!!"). They could not understand me... but luckily a couple who spoke few English came to the gas station and through them i could ask for the address of the nearest hospital. The guys in the Gas station had a car and they took me there, but in the hospital they did not assist me at the very beginning because if i wanted to join the emergency program (which gives you free health assitance) i had to go to the hospital by ambulance.....

So we went back to the gas station and called the # 03 for the emergency program. The came, assited me put a big bandage in my head if i would have hurt my brain not my eye and took me to the hospital. well... i arrived to the hospital at 3.30am and i got my wound healed around 5am. First i had to answer all kind of questions... do you drink? where are you from? are you on diplomatic duties?? (is it that important!?!?!?!?) and bla bla bla... come on guys i have an open wound!!!! Then i realised that everybody around me was bleeding as well... what a bloody night!!! In the hospital doctors did not speak english... But luckily i found someone i could call an angel, one of the interns, he spoke perfect english and was very hospitable (off couse being in a hospital...) he helped me during all my time there.

Well... what can i say... i was assisted by different non-english speaking doctors (my poor russian helped me somehow) got the x rays done, was transfered to the surgery room again with a non english speaker doctor... i was very affraid as i did not know what to expect (taking into account the low safety level of what i had seen previously in that hospital), i felt they were doing something in my eye and felt pain as well... and i though "This fucking people are sewing my injury without anesthesia!!!!!!!!!! Oh God!!!!" and i just closed my eyes and tried not to scream... but then i realised that they were just applying the anesthesia... not sewing me yet. Ok ok ok... come on.. i am in another country.. you never know what to expect here. Probably i was just too nervous. Then this guy came to see if everything was fine, you see he was really worried about me, i would say it is one of those angels you find sometimes...It is a pity i do not know his name i wish we could be friends. I really thank him for all his help and translations. Well i was left free at 7am... and then went home... i had not slepy the whole night. I was supposed to facilitate in the Moscow OPS today outside the city... but i did not go there.

I am thankfull to the Russian Health System that provides free health assistance in urgent cases to everybody. I got everything.. x rays, vacination against tetanus, sewing and so on for free. Guys I LOVE YOU!!!. I had only 8 dollars in my pocket (and not because of AIESEC as i still do not have my salary).... this is my money for the rest of the month... i would be unable to pay any health assistance. Luckily i did not have to. They have this system since socialist time. Now i owe my life to the socialism!!!! (and have no problem with that)

I just realised that Stalin and Lenin were very cool guys and absolutely smart!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am fine now, home... with a big bandage in my head. but it is fine.

About hospitals in Russia... well... there is lot of ppl bleeding around.....lot of blood on the floor.... the buildings are very old and not sterile at all but the surgery room is very nice it is absolutely safe. Doctors are very hospitable although they do not speak english. I made some new friends there, a girl which her husband was in a very bad look after fighting in a bar (he could not even open his eyes properly) and another girl that looked terrible after a car accident.... God... i was so sorry for them. But the most important is that we all are alive, they were really friendly, had very few english but always asking me.. "kak dela??bco horosho?? = how do you feel? Is everything fine??". They also asked me "who hurt you??" I was feeling stupid being the only that was hurt by himself or by the ice on the floor.

I think Russians have huge solidarity in their soul, this should have came from Soviet times where socialism developed a strong community feeling, if they see you in troubles they always care about you or at least ask(at least most of them). Ok i have to go now Stella wants the internet, i need to go to the hospital on march 23th for my second assistance. Poka

PD: now you see the kind of things that happen to me.

Ok, very breif weblog...

we are having internet problems here, the fucking dial up connection does not work. Monica left yesterday to India :(((( we all except Masha went to the airport with her... she was crying so much....

It is very sad when one friend goes away.... I wish Monica all the best in Canada i am sure she will do it great :)

The house does not seem to be the same without her. Moni we miss you..

PR Rules!!!!! 11/Mar/03

PR Rules!!! Finally after a week i can post the PR Article, well at least the first with a very nice pic of Dasha the new MCP. Now i need to arrange that one of our members make the translation to Russian.

check it here

Rubek davai davai!!! (it is something like go go rubek)

RUBEK : RUssia, BElarus and Kazakhstan

As i said... when the end of the terms came closer... it all seemed to fall down at the same time from sudden... Monica had to leave... and then i felt alone. I mean... we were never the best friends of the world, we had fights with her, specially for the usage of resources... Monica didnt like my way of taking only third part of my food everyday.... well... we all have different kinds of survival tips.

But we were close, i guess it is true that when two foreigners join a team in any country they both feel supported on each other's ... so when she left i felt alone. It was a said farewell... she cried, we all did... i felt so pity..

Monica left, stayed in India couple of weeks i think a month and then flew to Canada where she was Regional Director at MC... that was the last thing i read from her... last year we met by coincidence on internet, she was back in Baroda, she got to see my mother and me by webcam... after that... i have lost contact with her.

MC Life without Monica... wasn't the same.... we had to plan her farewell party, we = Monica and Me.... despite all the activities we planned... MC members didnt really came with us, but they were present at the farewell party, that was very nice.

Monica's good bye letter 11/Mar/03

Monica wrote a letter to us... well.. this is her last week here :( I am not sure if it is good idea to post it here, but this letter was really meaningful for me and touched me. Damn... why things finish so fast...

-----------------------

dear team,

I don't know Where should i start from?
The days after the National Congress have passed like wind!
The days have gone like crazy for me with all the challenges,
and all the worries + exictment of going home and start a new life!!!

yeah, you are right i am going back now!! My plans was to go back home was on april
1st(as i had told u guys before).As things really didn't go
well the way it was planned, with all my financial problem it didn't work out. And
i am leaving for home on 15th march. yeah 5 days!!!
Its unbelieveable that i am leaving!!!

In middle of all this, there was a kind of a very sad and strange feeling that i
always bothered me. When i started up here, i never knew what was
coming onto me..I never enjoyed the country when i first started my
term here. It was all problems + culture shock+ homesickness + lots of
other things that you know never made me enjoyed my term here!!!
Slowly, slowly i got used to this life here..every moment had been something new,
different for me. But though i felt it wasn't new. I was in confused
mind and had mixed feelings. I never realized this till the time in
National Congress i got to know that now i am also a part of another country named Canada.

Still the things moved the way it were and things sometime didn't work
out the way i wanted..At this stage now i am writing this letter to
you when i realized i have to finally go!!! go in 5 days..leave this
country that may have given me immense learning in my life..and i
cannot stop crying now.

Now when i look back all the things that i said i didn't enjoyed
here are the things i most enjoyed here.
The only thing i am telling you all this, may be we didn't got time
together much to share our feelings with all these things we all were
facing + mostly everybody's private life.. but at some corner of my
heart you have left a impression on me forever... !!

Whatever time we spent together is i am goin to miss the most.
But you are always invited to India and to my home! Even if I am not there
remember that my parents would take your most care and would give
you as much as hospitability and warmness.

I wish you all the success in your life and in AIESEC (for those who
are continuing) ne ways i am making a presentation of my experience in Russia with
JuanCa and would be soon uploading it to the Russia community after i get back to india.
i will spam it, make sure you go through it, it wud be interesting for you!
+ i would be showing you another ppt. about my expereinces in Russia
the day before i leave..

yeah, its the only 4 days we have got to spend together..to spend
together as a team...though it was very sad for me to know i would not
see Olya before i leave:-( but neverthless we can spend this time
toghether...so i and juanCa were making some plans..i would really
appreciate if you could join us..this last week i really want to spend
with my team that is you guys!!!

Tuesday (11th march) - morning me and juanCa are going to the
artificial russian village in izmailovski park..i hope you know
that..for me to even buy some gifts to take back home. + in the
evening we are meeting Valentine just for fun and coffee or so..

Wednesday (12th march)
mostly we'll move around in diffrent shoppin complexes here and
there...+ in the evening we'll go to a bar/restaurant to see a friend who sings and just to chill out!!!

Thursday (13th march) in the evening i was really thinking that our
whole team goes out for a walk..since we don't have more money to
spend..it could be just a walk and coffee at some place or so..it
would be just fun together reliving out past memories and just doin
some last teambonding together:-)

Friday (14th march)the last day in russia (can't believe it still)
was thinking if we can have a small party together..in the flat..just
a small farewell..and if somebody would like to visit us..or so..
i was thinkin to make some indian food for the last time!!! may be we
can chip in and get some drinks and just have fun!!! what do you
think?

i really wanted you to join me and juanCa..we may never get this time
again!! we can decide upon the timings when and where are we going..so
hope this last week of mine in russia becomes the best ever!!!!

just want to tell you..
take good care of yourself..
hope you make all your dreams come true and get all the happiness that
you want..!!
All the best in your life ahead!!

God Bless!!
with billionth wishes,
Monica

_____________________________________________

"I still believe in PARADISE...
But now at least I know it's not a place you can look for -
'cause it's not where you go.
It's how you feel for a moment of your life. And if you find that
moment - IT LASTS FOREVER..."

----------------------

Some good news.. my mother wrote to me, they will try to help me i just need to give them some extra info and they will confirm me. She said she is feeling better after medications, she is still under treatment, but now she feels normal as before :))) I am glad. She said something very important...

"God will never give you a pain that you cannot stand".

Uh oh... it seems the rest of my family knows about my problems here :(((( shit... i only wanted my close family to know.. not the rest. They all though i was daydreaming when i said i wanted to go to Russia... that i should stop with AIESEC and go to real world. I can imagine what they will say when i go back :((((((.... they won't stop complaining and bla bla bla... :(((

I havent talked about the language thing... but it was a topic to be mentioned... it was funny and frustrating, in Russia most of the young people dont speak English, nor normal people on the street. Thats why Monica and me worked with Multinationals, it was the only way to find people to talk to.

Inside of AIESEC one should have expected things to be different but they were not, during the whole year we had a big fight about writing in two languages or making a small wrap up of the email in English.... big fight, alumnis challenging us.. better say me, cause it was my suggestion, and for instance it worked, and then no... there was some moment when with Monica we were lost, if i would havent learnt to read Russian and sort of understand some words it would have been worst. I also found a place on internet where i could translate phrases from Russian to english...


Annoying.... 10/Mar/03

Annoying and irritating is the habit of these people to ignore Monica and me.

I just got an email in russian from the RU-LCP list and wrote back to say that i did not find the english version (kind of ironic joke)... and then... i got three more emails in russian from different LCPs, EVEN from the LCP in Moscow WHO IS RIGHT NOW IN OUR HOUSE VISITING US AND USING OUR INTERNET. wouldn't you be annoyed and irritated by this????

Monica asked me today.... "do you know what are they discussing in the RU-MO-VOICE (Moscow LC list) ??? there are so many emails... i wonder what the hell is going on?"
I told her " Well i was thinking the same, but i have no clue.. as everything is in Russian..I have absolutely no idea ".

Life in Russia... it is nice how AIESECers all over the world honor our vision and values... Viva the cultural understanding..!!!

One might think that after all the things i faced in Russia the way back home would have been easier... but it was not easy at all... i need lot of patience and help from above to make it, here how it started...


Patience and control.... 10/Mar/03


Hi, 6.52am. I just came back with Monica, I was invited to a party made by EF and took Monica with me. Then we went to a club called Boar House. Nice place, free entrance. I introduced to Monica couple of Russian friends who work like singers in a restaurant. Nice night.

I just got an email from my mother... things are not going well over there... off course i won't give details. It seems many things are falling down.... There is nothing sure about my ticket back home yet. I wrote again the info to my family, if it works out.. i will leave Russia on April 5th.

I feel impotent here. The only one thing i can do is be patient... and keep control of myself, i cannot fall in desperation... i need to keep myself focus and finishing my work here, and keep up the faith that everything will be fine.

Today i talked to Monica, she has also seen changes in herself in terms of becoming a person colder than before. We also mentioned that it is a pity everything finish so fast.. we have been only 6 months in Russia.. right now.. just when we are getting really used to the culture and addapted to the situation here somehow.. we have to leave. It is not time enough for anything. My shortest MC term ever.

why do we have to leave now? Because in the Natco there was a decision to implement a new MEC in Russia... and they decided to implement it since Natco. It means that officially we finish our period on April 1st. I must mention that such change was not discussed within the MC before Natco and we were not even asked about this... i just got the comment during Natco from one of the facilitators, a guy from the MC in Ukrain... he told me "did you know that they just changed your period?? now you will finish in April".

At the very beginning i got shocked... and angry... how can someone make such changes without discussing with the team?? who was running this session that was not even able to manage such situation???? what the hell do these people have in their minds??? I seemed to me a lack of everything.. lack of communication, lack of planning, lack of people management, lack of respect, lack of everything. But i must admit..then i though... who cares? I am going home faster!!!. I was talking to Monica today and we both felt the same in that situation... but now we feel sorry there was too few time to be able to finish everything as we wanted. Monica told me that she feels like staying sometimes... there is so much to do here to make AIESEC improve... but we also though that if God allowed such a change, it probably means that the best option for us is to leave now. We cannot fix everything here, probably we did our best and it is the turn for somebody else to keep on going with our work.

ok, i guess it is time to sleep for me. I really need to rest... and relax.. i have discovered that after sleeping.. life looks clearer.... problems look smaller... and everything seems to be somehow solvable... most of the times. Poka, my friends.

It was an intense month, amazing how time flies... one day i arrived to a new country and continent, and suddenly i was leaving... time is like water in our hands... some more thoughts...

some things i have learnt in Russia:)) 9/Mar/03


Ok, here i am i have some many things to say... (and none to talk to).

Here are some of the things i learnt in terms of survival....

How to survive with few financial resources?

• try to spend money only in food.


• try to buy transport tickets for long period it is usually cheaper than buy them monthly


• find out cheap markets does not matter the distance


• learn to eat cheap things... and make combinations (like grains, beans, rice, spaghetti, cereals)


• Try to use suplements for the basic things you cannot buy:


• Meat - Buy salo or pate


• Fish - buy pate made of fish


• Milk - try to drink at least once per month but if not then eat lot of complements like cheese and so on. Calcium is very important for your teeth and bones.

Lately i have also discovered i learnt two things here one was inside my expectations when i came and the other one... well.. it has been one of the biggest lessons i got from here.

About the one i wanted to learn it is about dealing with big business, in Ecuador we donot have such a big companies able to give 10,000 usd. Not even in dreams!! so when i came i wanted to learn how to deal with that and i have done it. I am about to close a national partnership with KLM and have dealed with big companies here Kimberly-Clark, Kraft, Russo-British Chamber of Commerce and so on.. the process is not fast, but it is a very good experience. So i got what i wanted.

The other thing i got from here, that i needed to learn but was not expecting is in terms of not being so emotional. You know latin people we are very sensitive, everything touch us.. and we cry and so on.. After being here in Russia... i learnt not to let things touch my heart. I learnt how Europeans developed this coldness that made them famous.. It is because the environment hurts you a lot since you are very young (or since you arrive) but then little by little... you stop feeling.... i mean the small things that before hurted you.. do not do it anymore.. you get used to it. I have met lately lot of people who just want to use others (like everywhere in the world) those who date you just because you are latin and you look so exotic and just want to have sex with you to say "i was with a latin guy". There are lot of people like that here... sometimes i feel like a sexual object ....sometimes i do not complain about it ;))) but sometimes i do. Specially when you think that something more could happen with someone but then you realize that the other person used you. But Oh Surprise!!!.... last 4 times it happened (it happens very often here).. i did not cry... it did not touch me. I have a phrase in my mind these days.. i do not know from where i got it.. "do not give your heart". Meaning.. not to trust anyone so they cannot hurt you. I used to be quite open and extremely confident when i met someone new. I used to open my heart, share my feelings and always trust the other person...... now i do not.

With Andres, the Colombian trainee, we think when someone here meets any latin the first thing that comes into their main is "SEX" because of the fame of good lovers we have, fame which is true by the way ;)).

I am courious.. little by little i am discovering changes in myself just before leaving... but i still wonder how much i have changed. Probably i will just realize about the changes when i am back home... i wonder what will be the shock of my family and friends... when they find me different... probably colder... less sensitive... probably i do not even realise every single change.. just they will point me to the things i have modified during my time here.

By December we had our Natco, it was a complex thing, lot of things to be done and not much financial resources for the OC. Alexey Khutoretsky from Novosibirsk (Siberia) came to live with us and worked as OCP. Cool guy, very capable and very smart and also very funny :).

I wasnt in a good mood for Natco, felt weak, not physically but emotionally and animically, later on i understood that 2 years living in missery affects you and hurt you. I was sometimes lost during Natco preparations, Monica was the project Manager, sometimes i felt like i didnt care for it, that was why when the moment came to choose our sessions i almost dont deliver any... i took 2. I still have the templates, one or two days after Natco we all got the feeling, it had to be the best conference ever, and first bilingual done in Russia for a long time.

It started at MAI (Moscow Aviation Institute) very nice university, and big... i went to explore while the corporate day was held organised perfectly by Olya :) girl, your rocked that day :))
This is a kind of poster i still have from that day (in fact it is just a yellow page printed.. but it means lot to me), it is posted at the wall of my room right now. I know it looks old.. but heeeey.. it is 3 Years old... it is a lot that it is still alive.

Ok Natco was cool we had a great chair, Vivek from AI, great team of Facis including the Ukrain MC, that was way cool. It helped us a lot, also the good part of Natco is that was the first time i went rolling on snow from a hill :)))))))) Oh GOD!!! What a feeling!!!! and then inside a big box :)))) wow..... that was sooooo funny. The part that was not funny was the thing that by the middle of the conference... we were told that we could not eat. Yes... as you hear... that was not funny at all, i remember i think third day or so... i was very hungry and angry... we could not go to the dinning room... what for if we could not eat... i remember Vivek came to me and asked me if i had had lunch, i said no.. we are forbidden to eat.. (and off course i had no money at all... not even a rubble). He said.. come with me, i didnt take my whole meal.. you can take some and share some with Monica, that was nice from him, i think i took soup and Monica rice or viceversa, i dont remember... it was long time ago. It was frustrating situation from me...

The good part was that Valentin Turtia, alumni and my best friend in this world was there at the alumni congress and being a sensible guy as he is and being my best friend... he somehow knew what happened.. and invited me the meals for the following days. God places angels around us, it is true. Here what i wrote right after Natco 2003.


Violently Happy!!!! 12/feb/03


Privet Bcem!!! it is 6am and like always i am trying to get some internet. I just arrived yesterday from Natco... what a cool experience !!!!

I was shocked today when i found out that my weblog is number one among the others... mmm.... very strange. Now i have the feeling that everybody is reading my diary... i will change the settings of this page.

About the Natco, we have a new MCP our supper friend and MC Member Dasha :)))) i am very happy, she is really cool, smart and good-looking so for sure Russians are lucky having such a nice MCP :) I really think she will drive this country very well.

Also i made some extra new friends, the MC of Ukrain, what a bunch of cool guys :)))))) specially Marina, she is so cool and cute :))))) They helped us a lot in facilitating the conference :)

We also had lot of fun with Vivek (AI) as a chair, that was cool :))))))

About the delegates, this was my first time facilitating in a conference in other country, i was little bit worried about the language.. but at the end everything ended up super fine. Delegates were very opened, and some of my paradigms about russians were broken. The firsts days of the conference were little bit difficult, i think all the facis were very nervous as this happens to be a quite large conference, but then.. everything went fine :).

We had also alumni congress at the site and i had the chance to meet some of them. This was one of the bests parts of the conference, to hang out with Alumni is very cool :)))

I am feeling quite ok after this conference, there were lot of challenges in making it happen.. but finally we did it. I am also very happy because the new team will be quite good. It means that all of our efforts won't be lost.

Coming back to Moscow, i found the rest of my life.. and the things i have to solve. But i feel strong today, i learnt that i can definitely make it. It is still dark outside.. but i am really looking forward for today.. it will be a great day :)))

Up again and happy.... God.. it looks stressful to read it all now and see clearly how unestable my mood was... i think i got over that, and it was because of Russia.


Ray of Light.. 5/Feb/03


:))))

It is over!!!!! Yuuupiii!!!!

:))) i was planning to post this yesterday but i had not time to use the internet :)))) after i wrote the blog yesterday i got 2 or 3 messages from my friends and even one from my mother and they were so nice, enough to delete all the sadness inside me.

The funny part is that they did not know that i was down, i did not tell them and i do not think they know about this weblog (it is suppoused to be private).

Common, Juan, what happened to the guy who changes the world every day? :-))) ..... C u man, cheers to u and remember, that all I want from you - to see your face smiling! (Valentin)

Aren't real friends the best? Those who give you light when everything seems to be dark :) So yesterday by the middle of the day i was absolutely pefect in my mood and got to arrange 2 appointmens for today.

Later i met Valentin and we went to buy some things for Olya (his girlfriend) and then i met another friend and we went for a coffee... (by this time i am absolutely broken so i did not take anything, i said i was full and i had no appetite at all, excuses... excuses.. excuses) it was a good night.

Some news... the owners of our flat came and they were quite angry by finding "an office" inside it. It seems that the person from MC who arranged the rent did not tell them we would put an office and now the owner wants to kick us out!! (Ha!! and you wondered why i was down??.... LOL.... you know with so many things sometimes i cannot even be sad.. things like this do not fit in my mind at all and make laugh because i guess i cannot do anything else :)))

I should make a film of my life, sometimes it is just unbelievable! :))))

Well now i am very happy and quite possitive so nothing will turn me down today (hope so) Mitya will arrange a meeting with the owner to convince him we are nice guys... ;) by the way... he does not know there are 2 foreigners living here... and around 10 extra ppl (oc and facis for natco+some delegates) being hosted also here :)))))

LOL :)))) poka i have to get dress for the first appointment.

Well.. life in Moscow wasn't easy.... here some samples of it.... I can see right now.. years after it all ended.. how my mood was going up and down from one day to another... i was struggling but wanted to cheer up... then it fallen down again... for instance it was not my team fault, it was winter, less sunlight, it was my own personal weakness, it was a proof.. that i was alive and changing and fighting to survive.. cause you can only be hurt when you are living, not when you death or far away... you must live with your 5 senses to discover the meaning of crying, and being hurt.. it is a proof of life.


Never ending sadness... 4/Feb/03


Damn... it is the third day now...

I am down again... :(

it feels so bad... and i do not know how to avoid it. I feel like going home right now.. i feel like going to anybody on the street and cry :(((

What got me down? i guess there are many reasons that could force this feeling... financial situation, winter syndrome, homesickness, loneliness feeling, the fact that of failing with my last attempt for a serious relationship...

It is so stupid that i can find lot of reasons to be sad.. and very few ways to solve it :(

Sometimes i just wonder if it is because i am alone abroad.. or if it would be the same in my country. I do not pass through such hard times since last year.. there were moments like that while i was working as MC in the capital of my country... but there was my good friend Cynthia always there.. we supported each other in the hard times. I miss her so much. I wish i could have one of my great friends with me...

One friend just messaged me and wrote...

Al(06:36 AM) : Hola!! I've just finished my run. I'm about to take a shower but I thought I'd send you message first. In answer to your question on the e-mail: yes, cold, dark weather can make one feel depressed. (Especially someone from a tropical climate.)

Well, there is no much to say... just that the person i tried to date but failed finally answered one of my emails. I know things are over and i accept it i just wrote her offering my friendship. In her email, i just find something true and at the same time unbelievable. One of the reasons we see why this probably did not work out.. is the language, she does not speak good english and i do not speak good russian. It sounds so ironic at the same time that even when i speak 4 languages... this communication stuff is still a problem. I wish i could speak all the languages in the world.

ok, thats it. i guess today will be a long day... Poka

I would divide my experience in Russia in two periods, the first one that was hard... and i would call it something like discovering Russia and the second one .... that was hard too :) but that i would call addapting to Russia.

The break line came in December, few days before christmas we moved from our old, stinky, not so warm, not so clean, very far, rusky standard flat, to a brad new building that was very cool, very clean, very warm, very close, very nice, very modern, european standard flat :) Uff a huge change and i loved it. I remember first day neighbors didn't let me get into the building cause they didnt know me and they didnt speak english.. i had no key so one of them openned the door and i tried to get in and he throwed me away... i got pissed off... but you should have seen us... discussing.. arguing loud.. he in russian and i in english. Obviously he didn't let me in so i had to call Monica to ask her to come back and open the door for me, when she arrived... the neighbor felt sorry... (at least thats what i guess from his face cause he said something i didnt get).

But it was such a nice nice nice flat, big... clean we moved the whole office there, the pcs the internet... well... thats another thing. It was in this house where i fallen in love with Russia.. working an living together 24h in a decent environment, created several times an intimacy environment among our team. Sometimes at night we openned the windows during russian winter (i know... i though it was crazy as well but then i got used to) and switched off the lights.. put several candels around the house...played some russian romantic songs... let the mood envolve us... watching tv, working, chatting... it was a nice thing. When i arrived back home i used to listen to russian music with the lights off in my room, and cry... and cry and cry and cry.... after coming back.. it took me several months to get over the sadness feeling of not being there.. and losing what for instance got to be my normal life. Coming back to Ecuador was not coming home... it was going somewhere else cause the original JuanCa stayed in Moscod and died there... and this different Xyahka (JuanCa), the russian one, was the one coming back to a different country and place called Ecuador where the only single familiar thing he found was his family. Thats why many things change while i arrived here, later on i will talk about them.

There was a period of a month and a half without posting... here is what i posted in January 2003

Long time ago... 1/Feb/03


Privet, it is amazing that i have not written anything since one month and a half ago...

It is not that i forgot about my weblog, nope. But there were some circunstances that prevented me to write.

Well, i guess some of you might want to get a brief overview...

We moved from our office and rented a bigger flat (quite nice) so now i work and live in a metro station called profsoyusnaya. A place 100% better than my previous flat. The only one problem is that we do not have cable connection to the internet as in the previous office :(( so only dial up (quite slow dial up i would say) but it is life.

Situation is still the same but somehow we have managed to survive (still do not know how). Christmas... i could call my family and i spent new year with our trainees :) it was strange.. my first chirstmas without my family... it was a sad-but-happy christmas.

Personally, there have been not so easy times lately... my addaptation system seems to fail from time to time getting up and down in my motivation. I get many shocks from my work with Russian Business as it is one of the most agressive environments i have ever seen. I mean as i said before they are sometimes even more capitalist than the capitalist world. and as it is a society in transition... rules or values are still not totally established.

I realised that i past through a period of careless attitude towards everything.

I also got to date someone here... i was falling in love deeply and though that it might be a good idea to date so i won't feel lonely and i would get over completely the shadow of my previous girlfriend. Probably i was just looking for someone who would show some care about me. I mean in personal life and you know all those things that only love can fill in your heart but it did not work out well. In fact it ended up so strange (another BIG shock)... ups and donws have came... and i think they will keep on coming... but every single experience is getting me stronger. Thats one of the main things i have got here, i though i was strong before... here i realised i was not, so i am getting it now.

But not everything is sad, there are good things happenning lately. I found two very good friends, one is an AIESEC Alumni, a quite open-minded person, we have been talking about all the situation here, the russian culture and the difficulties i have faced. It has been really cool times talking to him and feeling that i am not crazy (or not completely) but also hearing some reasons/facts that guide the action of Russian people. Also, i finally got to met with one friend from Ecuador here. She is half Ecuadorian and half Russian (and speaks perfect russian by the way) she is not from AIESEC. We met last year in Ecuador and as we both were coming here we agree in meeting :). Now we have became really good friends, it is cool to talk in spanish with someone and it is specially cool as she has proved to be very culturally sensitive (ironic that a non-aiesecer can be more sensible that some of us.... but it happens). She has been in Russia many times before the end of capitalism and after it, so she explains me quite well all the differences.

Also something cool is that lately i became friend of Nika Zhukova. She was Aiesec International Alumni Coordinator last year, and before that she was president of AIESEC in Russia. She is quite a cool girl, really friendly, open-minded and quite funny :) She bought a Moscow tourist guide as she wants to re-discover the city and invited me to join her :) for sure i will :)

Well thats how my life is going, no bad. My family is ok, i keep contact with them by email. Russian winter is getting over and i still do not believe i went through it almost without problems (you say WOW!!). Today i will go to one exhibition where LC Moscow will have an stand and then i will have a coffee with another Russian friend.

Why so much coffees?? well it is the cheapest thing i could find here... and as my ressources are limited, so better a coffee than nothing, right?

Poka moi drugs, see you later (i need to learn how to say that).

Ahh.. just the last shock.. yesterday i met one of the founders of AIESEC in Russia and i was so happy and i talked to him about what we are doing now and i wanted to hear his stories about how everything started... but he just told me. "you know.. there was nothing special on it. Long time ago AIESEC used to be something concrete for me, but now it is not interesting" I almost die, but at the same time i understand that the reasons of creating such organisation like AIESEC in Soviet times, might be different than in other countries. Also this guy has not been linked to AIESEC for around 10 years, i think i will try to talk to him more and find out his AIESEC spirit :)) i am sure it is still alive.

ok, got to dress and go to the exhibition.. poka ;)

Well... here i am. still without money... i had to lend money to one trainee and to the guy of EF to be able to survive these days. What a shame... lending money to the guy of EF who is very nice but i have just met 3 times for business.

Today i asked about the salary again... and it was the big confussion... they just asked Monica and me to "understand" that there wont be salary until Dec20..... i understand... but then... what am i suppoused to eat????? come on... They seem not to understand that i am doing my best to survive here, but that sometimes this situation is just too much.

Whatever i buy i divide it into 3 parts to be eaten one every day, it means.. if i buy a small instant soup i just take 1/3 of it everyday, and only once per day. Do they still expect me do more savings??? how??.. eating only once every 2 days????

i feel like everybody is just looking at us like "the foreigners who ask for money", all others receive support from their families.. i wish i could be so lucky not to depend on them... but i am not. So after a long discussion... it might happen that i would get some money today and that probably... on december 20 i will get the rest of the money.... sorry but i do not believe in this probablies and maybes anymore. I have 3 months and a half here.. i have been paid completely only once, for the rest i have just got some money from time to time that would just complete another monthly payment. Thats all.

I am applying for teaching spanish... i will have to find some other way to survive, something more reliable than expecting anything from here. I am sorry but i am pissed off.

Ha, this is like a bad joke... just now the finance girl told me..."if you want we can put an announcement that you can teach spanish...." No more comments.

Again and again... no money. Today i was suppoused to be paid... and nothing...they do not even say it. I had to ask to the finance person here "what about the salary" and she told me.... well.. i do not know... we will probably pay it on 20th (!!!!... i almost die) and even worst...she asked me "why did you decide today would be salary day??" come on... they told me last week that on wednesday we would get salary!. (damn russians have a fragile mind... it is true)

This is what i hate... i really hate it... i got 33usd for one week and now they want me to extend them for 2 weeks?? come on... this is one of the most expensive cities in the world, i am making miracles to survive one week with only 33usd, also they all are suppoused to leave on december 17.... then who will pay me??? I am sure they will also forget about it, i bet. Right now i only have 4usd.... what will i do for the whole week??? and nobody is able to give any solution.. damn. I am getting tired of this.

Today is the party of the girl from EF, and she kindly wrote to me saying, "hey we wait for you in the party and do not forget to bring a bottle of wine" sure.... with all my money i will bring 200 bottles of wine. I cannot arrive there and say... "sorry i am broken so no wine and no birthday gift". well, i will buy a bottle of wine (if there is any for less than 4 usd) and i am sorry but no birthday gift... i need to find an excuse. I think that this "party" can be a good networking event, so i do not want to miss it, also EF are probably going to be our Nat Partners.. it means several thousand dollars... so this "party" is important to me.

What about the rest of the week... well i do not know... i am not sure if i will even eat. I need to talk to the president to see if somebody can at least lend me some money. "nice starting for christmas season"

PD: the meeting with the Russo-British Chamber of Commerce was nice, good one i would say.

Silly thing...

today i did this test i found in someone else's blog... and the answer was abvious, i dont know why i expected it would be a different answer... silly thing!.

Your Inner European is Spanish!

Energetic and lively. You bring the party with you!

Off course my inner European is Spanish... CAUSE I AM FROM LATIN AMERICA!!!!!!!

Hey this week is being really cool :))) Tomorrow Party of Irina from EF and also meeting with the Russo-British Chamber of Commerce.

On friday all the trainees and me will go to Luiza (Poland) house and then on saturday Mathias from Germany is coming back to Russia so we will also go out with him :))) Hey, not so bad :)

We got the phone back today :)) I am really happy (ppl from EF were asking me about it.... i had to invent so much excuses and weird stories..) I think that i will also look for another job, i mean a part time one... i cannot be suffering of lack of money from time to time... so lets see how it goes, taking into account that i do not speak russian .. i am not sure how easy it will be.

nice nice week, hope that tomorrow i get my salary :) i need to prepare for christmas... today i just heard that everybody here is leaving from December 17 to January 11 ..... so it seems that Monica and me will spend holidays alone :((( But my friends the trainees told me that i can join them.. so most probably Monica and me will join them.. lets see how it goes, this christmas will be difficult. my first one without my family :((((

Well, going to the nice part, i just posted some other pics of the Moscow Training Seminar, check them out. I have many things to do now, so see you later

This day changed it all... during that week i met a bunch of EF people we wanted to partner with them, but well... they were not silly so they knew there was something not going well with Aiesec in Moscow, at the end we became good friends, they were Irina and Sergey (lot of Sergeys and Alexeys in Russia). Sergey is nowadays living in Switzerland, we became good friends, and are still in contact from time to time, i even called him some time ago. :)))

But to say true.. the most important even of those days was the day when i ment VALENTIN TURTIA, my still best friend in this world. He means lot for me, it is funny when you meet someone special and you dont know how special he/she could be... and years afterwards you realise that your life without them wouldn't be the same. This is a pic of Valentin Turtia my best friend in this world and one of the people responsible that i am still alive.



During long time Valja (Valentin) motivated me to go forward and enjoy that country, we had long long long talks about the goods and bads of Russia, Moscow, St Petersburg... and suddenly we became very close friends, he was the one who showed me around, i am sorry to say that with my team members we didnt really go out.... actually almost never. With Valentin i learnt to do ice skating.... i still remember first time i put the foot on ice lake.... i fallen down :)) Valjia said: Man.. thats a good beginning!!! :)) Miss you man..... a lot.

Nice weekend still going on :))) 7/Dec/02

Well, this is a brief update on how the things are going on here...

Yesterday was a great day, i met two ppl from EF and presented a proposal for National Partners, it seems they are highly interested :)) great!. After that and as we all get along together quite well, i invited them to join our nice party in the house of one of our trainees :)) that was cool, the EF ppl liked the party a lot and me too, to go out with the trainees is the da best!.

We finished at midnight, but some of us felt like clubbing... hehehe... so we went to a club called Karma, kind of Indian ambiented club downtown Moscow, really nice, but i still do not get used to the music here... lot of arabic, turkish and extremelly old american music.... damn! I miss my salsa, and specially the latin reggae :( Although it was a good night and quite funny.

Today i met one of our almuni from St. Petersburg who just moved to Moscow, he is working in Maersk we had lunch together and talked about so many things.. more than 3 hours :))) nice guy :)) for sure we will keep in touch.

Nice weekend huh? and the other cool thing is that one of the people from EF invited me to her birthday party in the EF office next week, :))) networking networking networking and developing real true friends :))) in the former soviet union :)))

I wish i could record my conversations with russians and let you know so many reasons for everything that is going on here in Moscow and Russia, and the why of the behaviour of the people... how the capitalist process have been breaking so many things in ppl life and in the country itself, some of them for good some of them not. It is amazing.

Keep your eyes open in this country IT IS AMAZING!. It is the only one place in the world where Capitalism and Socialism live together and say hello everyday, believe me it is totally true. and it is also one of the countries where business competition is really serious... extremely.

Something i was saying to some friends is that i am impressed by the "wolf" they have here... i mean that kind of ppl who does not really care about anything but only win. Those who have took the capitalism too seriously and forgot that even in the competitive world of capistalism.. there are limits... there is a bottom line that you should never pass....if you at least want to show respect for others and compete like a good player. Here some ppl just do not see any bottom line.. and are able to do whatever, literally, to get what they want. (i still do not know where they got this image of capistalism because we are not like that... or at least not most of us).

But still, there is a reason for that.. today i just learnt it with Valentin (the alumni), the told me something i want to share with you...

"For the capistalism to behave properly you have to have a background... experience that will teach you how low you can get. In case of Russia... capitalism is just a 10 years old child without experience or knowledge... he is not worried on building anything right now.. he does not know how... he only cares in taking taking taking" Valentin Turtia.

Wow... it is awesome... i am not only seeing how socialist world lived... but also i am seeing with my own clear eyes... how capitalism was borned and how it grew all those years... my god.. i feel like seeing the economic history of the world just right now. Wow.. impressive experience.

There were several dreams i had while living in Moscow on how to help my family that was facing hard times here, that is a long story... pitifully i never really learnt how to make all the dreams come true until coming back... all this way... through Aiesec, was like lessons in highschool, Russia and the way back "home" were the final test, and now... i am still in the long process of implementing it all and shaping my future. Here some of the things i planned but i could not make.

Time for wise investments 5/Dec/02

Today is a great day :))) really great, i am feeling better with my sinusitis (yesterday i felt like dying!) although i am still sick, but very possitive about the future.

Today i chatted with my mother, well.. the financial situation in my house is still very bad... but luckily my mother is feeling better with her health. She still have to take care of that.. and we promised to each other that we will recover soon. Both of us. It feels so bad when you are abroad and your sister tells you that it is possible that your mother will have surgery :((( but God is big and now everything is almost ok.

We were making plans... we both have difficult financial situation (thats why my family cannot send me money here...) we were thinking that i can probably save some money (when paid) and send something cheap from here that they can sell in Ecuador in a bigger price... i do not know clothe...anything.. or also that we have to start a business to go back to those times when money was not an issue in my family. That was long time ago... sometimes i miss those days, we were not rich... but for some years we had a good stable financial situation.... those days when i spent money without even thinking.

Well, God knows why those days are over. Now is time to enjoy present and plan the future. Yesterday i was very down because it is almost a week that i am broken and eating only once per day... i asked help here so i could lend some money to somebody... but no results (in 2 months you do not develop such a close friends who could lend you money)....but while talking to my mother she told me she got some money then i knew that God would also help me, i was sure of that. and 15 mins after.. i got 33 usd :) i am rich!!! I am very glad.

Now is time to plan very well what to do with that money, i need it to last at least 7 days or more... mmm... i think that medicine would be a good idea... but also i need food...tonight i will make the super budget.

I am also feeling glad because yesterday i read this story from Susana Muhamad, former AI Director and it was really nice to see from different eyes how it feels to work in an international team. She explains exactly what i feel sometimes here, and the good part is that it motivated me to keep the hope that everything will work out fine :)) that i will learn to be successful in this culture. I will :))) isn't it a nice day??? what do you do in front of the computer?? come on go out!!! This is a nice day, enjoy it!!!! :))))

Posted by Juan Carlos Calderon on 12/5/02; 8:58:48 PM from the Moscow Headquarters in Former Soviet Union dept

Snow in Moscow again.. 4/Dec/02

Well, today i woke up and there was snow again... i usually like snow.. but not today.. i was just thinking in my flu... and how to avoid to fall down. I need to change my way of thinking.

I have doubt in my mind, this flu feels like becoming sinusitis... if so it means i am not getting any better...or am i? i need some more classes about medicine.

Julia moved to the Anja's house (one of our trainees), there's still no appartment. She was just told that there wont be any appartment for less than 300 USD/month, luckily her company will raise her salary. I hope ppl here finds something for her soon.. i am feeling useless because i cannot do anything more than listen her and talk to Aiesec ppl so they don't forget to make the phone calls. I hope everything will work out well.

Posted by Juan Carlos Calderon on 12/4/02; 3:13:37 PM from the Moscow Headquarters in Former Soviet Union dept.

There was one of our team members who never appeared in a picture, he was not sent to canada to ic, he was not always at parties, some people never really noticed and as you can see many times we as a team made pictures and stuff like that and he was not really there.

But he was OUR TEAM MEMBER, ok, we all found him strange sometimes.... you know he was very quiet, and he also was sometimes away while we talked to him, i remember once we were arguing all in a meeting, and we were very confused finding solutions to Rubek's problems, and fuck we were stucked around without finding a way out, and then Masha (MCP) said...

Masha: For God sake, Sergej say something, participate, at least tell us what do you think? which are your opinions?
Sergej: But but what do you want me to say?....
Masha: oh Sergej come on, say what do you think tell us from all we have discussed, what is your oppinion?
Sergej: well, i think i don't have much to say cause EVERYTHING IS CLEAR
Masha: WHAT?????

Needles to say we all laughted, i mean.. there was nothing clear nor solved, but for him it was. Later on.... it turned to be joke, when something happened, and LC members asked us something, we used to say... i don't know ask to Sergej cause he has everything clear :))). At the end... that phrase turned to be a motto for our team, we got to say... "you got to have everything clear..... like Sergej" :)))). True that Sergej was strange for me, for Monica, for the trainees, probably for the rest of the team i dont know..... but the true is that Sergej was necessary, he was in charge of our systems and without him we would have died without network connections and internet and so on. He was a hard worker, he was our backup at office. He was no less than any of us, he was no less capable, probably less communicative, but NEVER LESS CAPABLE, he was just like EACH ONE OF US. he was ONE OF THE BEST AIESEC RUBEK MEMBERS, AND ONE OF THE BEST MC TEAM MEMBERS I HAVE EVER HAD and i wanted to dedicate this post to you Sergej Pronkin, cause you deserve it.

During my time there.. i know i had troubles with you, and for instance i though... this guy is lost outside this world.... but i was the lost one, i wish i could have realised your real value in that time my friend, i am sorry.

Sergej came from Chelyabinsk, a small town 2 days far from Moscow by train, he had been LCP there, and as far as i knew he was the first LCP from his LC joinning MC Team, so for him it was a big effort to reach there and man... you succeed and i am proud of you. While i was struggling myself there in Moscow without money to survive, limited resources and lot of coldness.... we all, got to close us up, probably focusing in our own personal challenges to survive, and for instance we forgot to deliver Sergej what he deserved, a recognition for his work, silent, but well done.

By the end of my term... things were fading too fast... money was or better say.. there was not any money. Results were taking long to appear... and suddenly one day around February middle or end, it was after Saint Valentin, i saw Sergej going out from our appartment/office with some luggage, i though he was to take vacations cause during the whole year nor Monica, nor Sergej nor me had time to rest or to go back home. He just said good bye and i said: good bye Sergej. Couple of hours afterwards, i got an email (written in Russian by the way) by the RU-MO-VOICE (in those old times of listserv) saying that " Our dear MC Member Sergej Pronkin is leaving to his home town this afternoon, he will be at the train station at this time and if you want to say good bye to him you can meet him in this place".

i asked Monica, is Sergej leaving??? she said... yes, i heard he is going home and not coming back... and i though "what????? why nobody told me???" she said i though you knew.
Well.... i could not say you good bye Sergej, i wish i could have the chance to express you that we missed you after you left, i could not greet you and thank you, i could not give you some of the things i brought from Ecuador for you to remember me, but i want you to know my friend, that you were and are one important co worker, you were important part of the things we planted in Russia and that i think helped to its new success in the years after us. if one day you get to read this post... just want to tell you... THANK YOU. for your work, for your help, for all the things you have done for Aiesec Rubek, my country RUSSIA and for all the things you did for us. I appreaciate you.

i think i will send this to you by email, by saint valentin i sent an emial to the old addresses of my MC members and i think you are still using yours, so i will send this to you by email.

hugs Sergej i wish you the best, and dont forget that by 2010 we have to meet in La Serena in Chile, so start saving money!!! JuanCa

ahh another nice day :)) -7 degrees, now i am getting used to this multi-coats way of dressing, today i have my t-shirt, and 2 coats.. i feel like a bear.. but at least i am not the only one ;))))

About the situation with the trainee, well Mitya tried to talk to this vp.. and she kindly sent the whole MC to the hell.... can you believe it? Off course Mitya also sent her to the hell.... no comments.

Other people from Moscow Eb tried to talk to her and now she said that Julia can stay until Dec 5 (ohh what a solution!!!) and that Moscow people have to look for an appartment during that time (she is not going to do it... even when it is her responsibility). I am sorry but this girl cannot be in AIESEC, this things are unnaceptable, and now everybody understand why ALL the trainees in Moscow do not want to even hear about this girl. We will also meet Moscow EB tomorrow as the meeting could not be arranged by today.

I am chatting with Andres one trainee from Colombia about some funny things here in Russian, i cannot post it here.. thats super censored content!!! but i can tell you it is being QUITE funny :))

It seems trainees will go to cinema on weekend, almost 10usd.. it seems i wont join them.. that sounds too much for my unreceived salary...well i will see what to do.

see you later ;)


Posted by Juan Carlos Calderon on 11/28/02; 10:38:45 AM from the Moscow Headquarters in Former Soviet Union dept.

Other things that happened....

Well among all the things that happened, there was something i cant forget. The case of a trainee left homeless by the Aiesec Moscow Reception Officer Team Leader. Unbelievable isn't it?. The thing is that it seems that this girl, who was leading reception team in Moscow was lesbian (which is not a problem at all being that i am gay) but she was really focused on this girl, a trainee from Netherlands, named Julia. And well this girl used to sms Julia things like "oh girl you are so hot" and stuff like that, according to what Julia told us, Julia didnt pay attention to her and one day... she was told to empty the house where she was living (this reception girl was renting one of her houses to Julia). It was shocking thing, we the MC saw Julia crying and asking for help, we tried the most we could, at the end another place was found by Moscow people.... but this reception officer team leader was not kicked out of Aiesec.... for Monica and me it was strange how can someone like that can call herself an Aiesecer? but we were told that in Russia Aiesec is unable to kick anybody out of the organisation cause it is a voluntary choice.

Those were the times when i felt and though.... God damn!! These people are thinking all in the opposite way, what seems logical to me... does not make sense for them. my God!. Here what i post about it in those moments..

---

what a day... 27-11-02

what a day today...

yesterday our telephone was cut, so no telephone until God knows when... (welcome to the real world).

Also it is amazing something i had to see yesterday, there is this LCVP Servicing and Learning who rented a flat to one of our trainees... and now 2 weeks ago she told the trainee to move... the worst is that I personally negotiated with this LCVP that reception team in Moscow would find a flat for the trainee (isn't it AIESEC work???) and that if until November 23 there was no flat then the trainee would not move until January (and they would keep looking for a flat). She accepted, the deadline is over now and there is no flat... i wrote to her to coordinate the next deadline and she answer me this...

Hello
1)Three week was more than enough to find an appropriate apartment in such a small town as Moscow (believe my experience). And this is not negotiations or something to discuss or to deal. I have no opportunity to rent my apartment any longer and I will move back on the 1st of December. I'd prefer to do it on Nov 30 because I'm having exams right now and have no time to waste. If there's no other option I could host Julia for few days. I have enough room and two mats to host up to 5 people. That's it.


It seems this girl does not know what is AIESEC about!!! Check out your calendars!!. How can someone like this be in AIESEC??? Come on!!!!

And also it seems she does not realise that if there is no flat for the trainee it is her fault, not mine.. she is the head of the reception team (what a reception!). Now you understand what i meant when i said that some of the trainees we exchange every year are having just the worst time of their lives. You know it is not nice to see a girl trainee crying because of a bad AIESECer.

Well, tomorrow we will meet with the EB of Moscow to fix up this situation and to make sure this wont happen anymore. You know guys.. things like this.. happen more often than you imagine (not only in Russia by the way)... I wish all AIESECers one day will realise that we are here to serve, guys lets change the world IN A POSSITIVE WAY.

well, to finish, something nice, a picture or my team members.The MC of AIESEC in Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan

I must say that it is not always easy to be international MC member, specially in a country that has not had Int. MC since several years ago. As you might have read sometimes it's been hard to live here, but by other hand the guys are trying to do their best and i really appreciate it. I also understand that sometimes I just bother them too much and really proof their patience.
I am happy to say that i am working with the most talented people in this country, i am extremely proud of them :))))
thats it, see you later.

Posted by Juan Carlos Calderon on 11/27/02; 2:58:23 PM from the Moscow Headquarters in Former Soviet Union dept.

Pics from IC 2002

Heeey checking out some pic i just found out some other pics from IC 2002 in Calgary Canada, where first time i met my team members.



It was soo funny i arrived late at IC and havent seen them, just a couple of pics from Stella and Monica, and when by lunch time i was in the door.. thinking.. how will i find these guys among 600 delegates? and then... all from sudden... Stella came into the room.. and i though.. is she Stella? i though she was taller ( I had heard russians were almost 2 m tall and she was like 1.68m like me). Well as there was no other option i didn't want to seem ridiculous... i just screamed "Stella!!!" and when she turned around i said:


Are you Stella? Yes....
From the Russian MC? Yes..??
Hiiiiii I am JuanCa!!!! Ohhhhh Yuanka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome!!!!

And then she took me to meet the rest of the team i was SOOOOO HAPPPYYYYYY and i am still are. Meeting them have been one of the most importants parts of my life, we were different, we were diverse... but we were a team, a good group of friends and we were really hard workers to take Rubek higher. Guys... i miss you all.... :(


Then i just found out that out of 7 russian team members i had only 2 of them were very tall all the others were merely normal :) Paradigms hehehehe.

In this pic:
Monica is the first with orange t-shirt, next to Mitya, Masha at back of them, next Stella, Tanya, Dasha and Olya. The best MC Team i have ever had, even better than the Ecuadorean MC Team where i worked. There is a reason for it, but some other time we will talk about it.


The parties with them were incredible and i still remember the first roll call i made with them, it was a russian song translated to english. I still know it by heart....

From the deepest forest of Siberia to the Dunes in the Baltic sea lies a country with strong traditions and full of people with an openned heart. There is Aiesec living in this country, drinking Vodka, eating Caviar, Having fun with bears in the square and Kalinka singing everywhere!! Kalinka, Kalinka maya!!!

I wasn't present at the Openning ceremony where Russian delegation performed, damn!! I wish i could have danced with them. During my time there i got to love Russian music, so much that i still listen to it very often.

Hope you enjoyed the pics as much as i do

The never posted things....

Well... i was just checking my stuff and found my 3 years old CDs (2) i brough from Moscow, full of information from Aiesec, pictures, songs, images, ideas and feelings.

I wanted to bring all my information i developed in Russia to be implemented in Ecuador... but they never payed attention to me when i came back, i was just... "who's that guy who came from Moscow?" When i arrived back there was few people i knew in Aiesec, most of my friends were already out, i was even considered a dinosaur... and well.. looks like ecuadorians dont like to listen dinosaurs, so after some time to insist... i gave up and saved all the ideas and info i brough for my own souvenirs cause it seems they will never be implemented here.

Here are some of the things i brough and had never been posted in a blog before.



These pics were taken during my first visit to the MSU University, where there is a Stalin's Style building, very nice and huge. I was there with Annya and Olya from Saratov and also another friend from LC Moscow.






Here i am a nice red haired latin in the middle of Russia.... how did i ended up there? at the very other side of the world... :) AIESEC is magical!.

















Here are my friends, Olya, Alexey, Annya, Sasha
:) i spent great time with them