Nomad JuanCa's Report
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Feeling better again
Hi people, long time without writing huh?. Lot of things have been going on in my life lately... specially regarding my health. Last time i wrote to you i told you i was feeling sick.... well... it lasted more than i would have expected.
I had to go through lot of things, from going to ER (Emergency Room) at Social Security Hospital... getting exams done, being referred to a gatroenterologist... more labs done and even having to see how the laboratory from Social Security Hospital mistaken my exams... delivering me a rheumatism test instead of a Widall reaction.... and then meeting the gastroenterologist for hearing he thinks that me having diarrhoea and vomiting and shitting color green was not urgent stuff and wanting me to wait until October 11th to meet me. Like if my health could wait so long.
Well... whatever, luckily things are better now, they finally found i have amoebas (Histolytic and Coli). It does not seem to be a big thing, just for the fact that amoeba histolytic does kill over 100.000 people around the world yearly. Although off course, that is in places where people cannot get proper health care.... like here?. Oh well... at least i met my ID Dr and she already gave me prescription for a 10 days treatment to get rid of them. I am optimistic about this.
Plus i was once more advised i have to be carefull with my food, so since now and on... no more eating outside (or at least not as much as before) and well i guess i sort of learnt the lesson. I mean it is going to be hard not to eat outside since i live alone and i have no fridge and no electricity at home soooooo... we'll see.
Apart from that little but scary health problem i guess my life have been ok, lately i have made a big amount of latin poz friends over internet, which has been great and at the same time frustrating. Everybody says it is great i can deal with this so well and that i am very openned about this and that i can face and try to change the way society here looks at poz patients... but none is interested in doing the same. Which is actually frustrating. I am a bit tired of talking to some people who are poz but avoid to talk about the issue, avoid meeting others who are not poz and even... avoid meeting other poz patients. I guess i went trhough same isolating process... but i just don't want to go back there. I want to live free... free of fear and free of stigma. I want to live.
I am trying to meet like minded people in here... but i haven't met any. Isn't it amazing?. So when i was hidden i felt myself isolated and now that i am out into the light about my health status... i feel myself isolated too. What the fuck!.
Lately i have decided to slow a bit my activism activities and focus more on myself, this issue with my health that i had to face alone (just with the help of my family) made me reflect that i have to think about future. I hadn't done much for my future and i have to if i want to ensure i will not face problems later on. It called the attention of my boss when i was sick this week, i hope he is not suspecting though he was asking what Drs said after every appointment i had.
I have came out with some ideas, i had started to create a website where i want to start doing some sales a bit apart from what i do in my job, i had some announcements in mercadolibre.com.ec (similar to ebay) but now they are charging some comission... so it is increasing the price of the items i used to sell that way. With this website i am hoping to start making money my way and slowly finding some stable income until i finally can ensure myself some stability without depending on somoene else.
I had also applied for another position inside the company's headquarters, i would say i fit the profile... but perhaps they disagree with me... i'll see. They haven't told me anything after i delivered my application. Lets see. Today i came to the Mall del Sol with my laptop (it finally works out again... i am so amazed it is still alive... perhaps the laptop is a fighter just like me LOL).
About my debts i am up-to-date with the banks i had signed payment agreements and it seems i got to keep and "save" my visa credit card and my current bank account, although i am still having problems with 3 other places where i haven't paid anything.... nor signed any agreement, i am still missing 50 usd of this laptop and i was told that someone from this company went yesterday to "visit me" at work. There were some periods without stress lately but i guess it is coming back. I wish i could solve it all. Pity i can't pay all that shit at this time, with the current amount i am paying i have only 30 usd for myself monthly. Don't even ask me how i can survive... God is just too good with me.
Anyways, i am sort of fine right now... just feel i bit weak, don't know why... perhaps the effect of the metronidazol i am taking for the amoebas. I had eaten already but feel my stomache emtpy, and few desires of vomitting. Well, lets see what is going on in the next days, i will try to keep you posted on how the things go. I am so waiting for this year to finish.... it has not been anything good for me.... i am a bit scared next one could be even harder... but i hope not, come on... how bad can it be? hasn't it been enough already?. I expect 2008 will be a lot better. I am just counting the days for this year to finish. I won't need to wait much.
I had to go through lot of things, from going to ER (Emergency Room) at Social Security Hospital... getting exams done, being referred to a gatroenterologist... more labs done and even having to see how the laboratory from Social Security Hospital mistaken my exams... delivering me a rheumatism test instead of a Widall reaction.... and then meeting the gastroenterologist for hearing he thinks that me having diarrhoea and vomiting and shitting color green was not urgent stuff and wanting me to wait until October 11th to meet me. Like if my health could wait so long.
Well... whatever, luckily things are better now, they finally found i have amoebas (Histolytic and Coli). It does not seem to be a big thing, just for the fact that amoeba histolytic does kill over 100.000 people around the world yearly. Although off course, that is in places where people cannot get proper health care.... like here?. Oh well... at least i met my ID Dr and she already gave me prescription for a 10 days treatment to get rid of them. I am optimistic about this.
Plus i was once more advised i have to be carefull with my food, so since now and on... no more eating outside (or at least not as much as before) and well i guess i sort of learnt the lesson. I mean it is going to be hard not to eat outside since i live alone and i have no fridge and no electricity at home soooooo... we'll see.
Apart from that little but scary health problem i guess my life have been ok, lately i have made a big amount of latin poz friends over internet, which has been great and at the same time frustrating. Everybody says it is great i can deal with this so well and that i am very openned about this and that i can face and try to change the way society here looks at poz patients... but none is interested in doing the same. Which is actually frustrating. I am a bit tired of talking to some people who are poz but avoid to talk about the issue, avoid meeting others who are not poz and even... avoid meeting other poz patients. I guess i went trhough same isolating process... but i just don't want to go back there. I want to live free... free of fear and free of stigma. I want to live.
I am trying to meet like minded people in here... but i haven't met any. Isn't it amazing?. So when i was hidden i felt myself isolated and now that i am out into the light about my health status... i feel myself isolated too. What the fuck!.
Lately i have decided to slow a bit my activism activities and focus more on myself, this issue with my health that i had to face alone (just with the help of my family) made me reflect that i have to think about future. I hadn't done much for my future and i have to if i want to ensure i will not face problems later on. It called the attention of my boss when i was sick this week, i hope he is not suspecting though he was asking what Drs said after every appointment i had.
I have came out with some ideas, i had started to create a website where i want to start doing some sales a bit apart from what i do in my job, i had some announcements in mercadolibre.com.ec (similar to ebay) but now they are charging some comission... so it is increasing the price of the items i used to sell that way. With this website i am hoping to start making money my way and slowly finding some stable income until i finally can ensure myself some stability without depending on somoene else.
I had also applied for another position inside the company's headquarters, i would say i fit the profile... but perhaps they disagree with me... i'll see. They haven't told me anything after i delivered my application. Lets see. Today i came to the Mall del Sol with my laptop (it finally works out again... i am so amazed it is still alive... perhaps the laptop is a fighter just like me LOL).
About my debts i am up-to-date with the banks i had signed payment agreements and it seems i got to keep and "save" my visa credit card and my current bank account, although i am still having problems with 3 other places where i haven't paid anything.... nor signed any agreement, i am still missing 50 usd of this laptop and i was told that someone from this company went yesterday to "visit me" at work. There were some periods without stress lately but i guess it is coming back. I wish i could solve it all. Pity i can't pay all that shit at this time, with the current amount i am paying i have only 30 usd for myself monthly. Don't even ask me how i can survive... God is just too good with me.
Anyways, i am sort of fine right now... just feel i bit weak, don't know why... perhaps the effect of the metronidazol i am taking for the amoebas. I had eaten already but feel my stomache emtpy, and few desires of vomitting. Well, lets see what is going on in the next days, i will try to keep you posted on how the things go. I am so waiting for this year to finish.... it has not been anything good for me.... i am a bit scared next one could be even harder... but i hope not, come on... how bad can it be? hasn't it been enough already?. I expect 2008 will be a lot better. I am just counting the days for this year to finish. I won't need to wait much.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sick
I have been feeling sick since yesterday... i have vomited, and got fever, headache, weakness... got a bit of diarrhea but not much.
I am taking meds and hope to recover soon... today i feel a bit better but i can feel, really... i can feel my stomach so so so weak. I am a bit scared of what to eat... like if i eat something wrong i will get worst... i don't like to be ill.
I was also afraid cause i have heard so many stories of people dying 6 months after diagnosis... i am already a 6 month old diagnosed person. I know there is no reason for me to die at this time, i mean based on my health... but.. well... the fear is still there. By october i will be 7 months diagnosed and perhaps i will feel i have overcame the fear.
Keep your fingers crossed so i can recover fast. gotta go. cheers.
Labels: New life, same illness
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Juan Carlos in Hollywood style
My friend Fatih from Turkey did this for me, isn't it cool?? He is a great guy
Saturday, September 08, 2007
ThinkHIV.com
Today i found a link from forums to a video channel in myspace.com about Hiv. There are several stories from people where they speak about their points of views of what Aids epidemy means for our generation.
There is something written at the beggining of every video that called my attention "Our generation has never known a word without Aids". It got me shocked... cause you know... it is truth. Since the appearance of the virus and the beginning of the epidemy (25 years ago) our world has changed enormously... and people still don't realise it. There nowadays people eager to avoid this topic like if it was non existent... we have lost contact with reality... but reality has not stopped contacting us... we have just been unable to see what's going on around us... and thats a big pity.
I saw some stories today, about people trying to make a difference... and i am so glad about them. I haven't met any of those here in Ecuador. I have only met people who are ashamed for who they are... and live hidden, not able to feel proud of themselves and been straight forward talking about a disease that is NO LONGER STRANGE in the world... open your eyes. HIV/AIDS is no longer something new... it is a fact, it is part of real life... it is there. Same like Cancer and Diabetes... and it is hitting us strongly, specially to all those who don't want to see.
thinkHIV: This is Elizabeth
Añadir a mi perfil Más Videos
There are so many stories people are not aware of... that it is amazing yet to me that people are unable to realise this is really happening... this is not a horror movie... it is real life.
While surfing internet today i found this...
Ecuador Reports 6,000 AIDS Cases
On Wednesday in Quito, Ecuador, health ninister Teofilo Lama said 6,000 AIDS cases have been reported in the country. The most likely cases are no longer gay men, but rather women and children, according to Lama. Ecuador recorded its first HIV infection 20 years ago.[This summary provided by the CDC National Center for HIV, STD, and TB Prevention Xinhau News Agency December 2, 2004] HIVPlusMagazine
So that means first Hiv case was diagnosed in here on 1984, in twenty years we reached 6.000 cases (diagnosed... but that is actually not a real number since there is an estimated prevalence of Hiv infection much ... much... much higher). I still can't understand why people are unable to see things as they are.
These past two weeks have been exhausting, have had nightmares, frustrations, personal problems, money problems, pain in my eye, fury attacks.... have had lot of things. I am a bit of emotionally exhausted. I have been trying to be emotional support for several of my friends... poz and non poz. I think i need a rest. I actually took one and took some measures not to be absorved by other's problems... I have decided i will limit my listening time to other problems, there have been some days when i have been very very very tired and down... and two friends have called me to talk to them... when talking to them actually means listening to them... which i am glad to do... i have always done that for my friends... but doing it when you are down...and emotionally exhausted... is not good nor funny.
I have decided i will be there for my friends... but i won't let them use me as a base for their strenght. I mean i will listen and i will advise.. but if they don't do something, anything... even if it is not my advise.. if they don't do anything to improve their situation... i won't listen to them about same issue anymore. Cause it is useles and it is just too demanding for me. Since writing online... everybody think i am strong enough to carry on with the world's problems... come on... i hardly carry my own ones... i can't carry everybody's problems too.
I have started with it.
I was giving some advise to a man from Chile who thinks he is infected... he took the tests.. but is so scared that he has been unable to pick up the results. I have been trying to help him online for 2 days... but next day he always come with "i am feeling this" "what if" "what if" "what if" until the day i told him. "I am not going to listen to you anymore until you get your test results... meanwhile... we won't speak about this thing anymore, i have already told you all i know... if you don't want to accept it.. it's up to you i can't do more". It might sound too hard.. but people need to learn to stand up and fight for their lives... that's what we do... and that's how we survive.
Ok Saturday 10pm and i am about to leave job, (finally...) I am very hungry... yummy yummy... gotta go eating something, i am doing fine... my health is ok so far... a bit sleepy days... my work sucks... but i am trying to change it...i am a bit updated with my debts...(with those i am paying... there are others i haven't yet started to pay).... perhaps my mother might start to suffer from heart disease... it is not confirmed yet... she is having some small complications... but so far she is making it right and really looking after herself, i love her... i don't want to loose her.
Life is ok, today is a good day to remain alive. My heart can still feel love for myself, for others and for what i am doing... so i am still really... really... really alive. Thanks God for it. Take care guys!
There is something written at the beggining of every video that called my attention "Our generation has never known a word without Aids". It got me shocked... cause you know... it is truth. Since the appearance of the virus and the beginning of the epidemy (25 years ago) our world has changed enormously... and people still don't realise it. There nowadays people eager to avoid this topic like if it was non existent... we have lost contact with reality... but reality has not stopped contacting us... we have just been unable to see what's going on around us... and thats a big pity.
I saw some stories today, about people trying to make a difference... and i am so glad about them. I haven't met any of those here in Ecuador. I have only met people who are ashamed for who they are... and live hidden, not able to feel proud of themselves and been straight forward talking about a disease that is NO LONGER STRANGE in the world... open your eyes. HIV/AIDS is no longer something new... it is a fact, it is part of real life... it is there. Same like Cancer and Diabetes... and it is hitting us strongly, specially to all those who don't want to see.
thinkHIV: This is Elizabeth
Añadir a mi perfil Más Videos
There are so many stories people are not aware of... that it is amazing yet to me that people are unable to realise this is really happening... this is not a horror movie... it is real life.
While surfing internet today i found this...
Ecuador Reports 6,000 AIDS Cases
On Wednesday in Quito, Ecuador, health ninister Teofilo Lama said 6,000 AIDS cases have been reported in the country. The most likely cases are no longer gay men, but rather women and children, according to Lama. Ecuador recorded its first HIV infection 20 years ago.[This summary provided by the CDC National Center for HIV, STD, and TB Prevention Xinhau News Agency December 2, 2004] HIVPlusMagazine
So that means first Hiv case was diagnosed in here on 1984, in twenty years we reached 6.000 cases (diagnosed... but that is actually not a real number since there is an estimated prevalence of Hiv infection much ... much... much higher). I still can't understand why people are unable to see things as they are.
These past two weeks have been exhausting, have had nightmares, frustrations, personal problems, money problems, pain in my eye, fury attacks.... have had lot of things. I am a bit of emotionally exhausted. I have been trying to be emotional support for several of my friends... poz and non poz. I think i need a rest. I actually took one and took some measures not to be absorved by other's problems... I have decided i will limit my listening time to other problems, there have been some days when i have been very very very tired and down... and two friends have called me to talk to them... when talking to them actually means listening to them... which i am glad to do... i have always done that for my friends... but doing it when you are down...and emotionally exhausted... is not good nor funny.
I have decided i will be there for my friends... but i won't let them use me as a base for their strenght. I mean i will listen and i will advise.. but if they don't do something, anything... even if it is not my advise.. if they don't do anything to improve their situation... i won't listen to them about same issue anymore. Cause it is useles and it is just too demanding for me. Since writing online... everybody think i am strong enough to carry on with the world's problems... come on... i hardly carry my own ones... i can't carry everybody's problems too.
I have started with it.
I was giving some advise to a man from Chile who thinks he is infected... he took the tests.. but is so scared that he has been unable to pick up the results. I have been trying to help him online for 2 days... but next day he always come with "i am feeling this" "what if" "what if" "what if" until the day i told him. "I am not going to listen to you anymore until you get your test results... meanwhile... we won't speak about this thing anymore, i have already told you all i know... if you don't want to accept it.. it's up to you i can't do more". It might sound too hard.. but people need to learn to stand up and fight for their lives... that's what we do... and that's how we survive.
Ok Saturday 10pm and i am about to leave job, (finally...) I am very hungry... yummy yummy... gotta go eating something, i am doing fine... my health is ok so far... a bit sleepy days... my work sucks... but i am trying to change it...i am a bit updated with my debts...(with those i am paying... there are others i haven't yet started to pay).... perhaps my mother might start to suffer from heart disease... it is not confirmed yet... she is having some small complications... but so far she is making it right and really looking after herself, i love her... i don't want to loose her.
Life is ok, today is a good day to remain alive. My heart can still feel love for myself, for others and for what i am doing... so i am still really... really... really alive. Thanks God for it. Take care guys!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
ehhh
Ehh... my dermatologist appointment was not set for today... but tomorrow...
where is my mind?
anyways, lets enjoy this free day.
Cheers,
where is my mind?
anyways, lets enjoy this free day.
Cheers,
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Keep on going on
Tonight is not such a nice night, i have been fighting with myself to get far from a person i really loved... and who perhaps infected me with Hiv. It has not been easy, i managed to be far from her for a month... just virtually talking but today i failed. We had sex again. It is something none would understand... when you love someone... this kind of things happen... and i hate when they happen, cause ... it brings more sadness at the end that any pleasure.
Because there is no love from her side.
So what the hell i am doing loving someone who does not love me? i don't know.
I wish i could follow my own advise sometimes...
Tomorrow i will meet my dermatologist in the morning, and request a meeting with an occulist at Social Security Hospital, last week i had pain in my left eye for couple of days, i want to get it checked to ensure it is not glaucoma. Looks like the virus keeps on working. Today morning i had diarrhoea... and i got afraid.. i mean... i have been without it for about 2 or 3 months, i was feeling proud of it. The rest of the day my stomache got stronger, i think it could be something i ate for breakfast (like the pork meat i ate downtown ;))
I don't feel confortable tonight... i feel like a bit empty... like if i had lost someone i loved ... like if ... my life would not be the same without her.... damn i miss her. Though it is better to be away... it is so fucking hard to do the right things sometimes.
Labels: New life, same illness
